Chapter 17 – Choosing the Best – Kid Discussion


We have made it through Harry Potter’s first big adventurous year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. What was your favorite part of this chapter? We can’t believe that Harry actually had the Sorcerer’s Stone for a brief amount of time. Remember, the stone would produce gold and make the elixir of life so that one would never die.

Dumbledore said this about the stone to Harry Potter:

“You know, the Stone was really not such a wonderful thing. As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all – the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.”


I don’t know how many times our adopted children have had to hear Mrs. Fink and I talk about budgeting money. We try to talk to the kids as much as possible about how our household spends money when there is a family decision to be made. Our kids are presented with a situation such as, “We can either eat at a restaurant today for dinner, or we can eat groceries for the whole month and do a day trip somewhere.” One child is presented with this so much that they finally declared one day, “I wish money were never invented!”

Do you ever feel that way? This child really doesn’t want our family to have to be concerned about money. However, the child is missing all of the good things that are happening such as:

  • Communication skills – Each family member has to tell the others the choice they would like and learn how to use the best words to communicate their thoughts.
  • Teamwork – Our family has to work together to get what we want. In the example we have to figure out what restaurant to eat at together or what trip to take.
  • Work Ethic – As a family we see that you have to work for your goals; this is actually a good thing, and one should be proud of a job well done. In this case, if we decide to go on a trip, everyone will have to do their part to help us cook with groceries. If we eat at a restaurant, everyone will have to work to put their creative ideas into cheap entertainment around the house.

However, I have to say about this child’s declaration that I think we all have had times when we wanted the option that would be easy and skip all the lesson learning. We want to be rich and just do whatever we want.


What do foster and adopted kids choose?

The Fink kids discussed the interesting things that adopted and foster children will choose that might not be the best thing for them. Keep in mind that these kids have been through the foster care system. They aren’t pointing the finger at you but know what you’re going through.

  1. Sweets and Junk Food or Hiding Food
    Okay. Okay. This might not apply to everyone but some kids are nervous about not having enough food in the house.
    They choose to hide food in their rooms which will attract bugs and other yuck.
    They may choose to eat lots and lots of sweets that are not really good for their body to use to grow and heal itself.
  2. Stay in a dangerous situation
    A lot of times foster and adoptive kids want to live with their biological parents no matter what. However, almost always there is a very good reason why you are not allowed to stay at that home. There are some kids that would be around people that would hurt them badly if they stayed at their biological home. Some kids literally would starve to death in their biological home.
  3. Sabotage a Good Thing
    The Fink kids would even agree that this happens in their lives. It might be a holiday, an awesome family trip, or just a special movie night at home when this happens. Foster and adopted kids tend to take a great situation and make sure that it ends up awful. Some kids feel like they don’t deserve anything good so they make sure things end up bad. Some kids have lived with fighting, arguing and chaos for so long that “normal” fun times are weird; thus, they make a situation the “normal” that they’re used to in life.

You’re the best – Choose the best

In the Fink household we want our children to know a fact that Harry had to wait to discover on his eleventh birthday.

You’re special, talented and loved.

What does that mean? How is a talented person treated? How do you talk to a special person – for instance a celebrity? Better yet, how does the celebrity or famous scientist expect to be treated when they go out in public? If the President of the United States were go to a restaurant for dinner, the restaurant would give him the best foods. The public would expect the President to get the best foods. The President would not demand to have the best food, but I bet the President’s expectations would be for the best food.


Realize you’re special and should expect good things:

  • Expect people to respect you.
  • Expect trustworthy adults to give you the best instruction for becoming an adult.
    • Realize this includes being corrected and disciplined in love; after all, even actors have to be corrected and taught to play their roles well.
  • Expect people to show genuine care and concern for you as you show care and concern for them.

No matter the issues or problems that you have had in the past, expect the best for your future.

Discussion Questions:

  1. How would you feel if you won Gryffindor the House Cup?
  2. What food would you want them to serve at the end of the year feast?
  3. You have a friend that was adopted. She wants is mad at her parents for grounding her. She keeps talking to you at school about wanting to runaway and live with her biological mom. You know that your friend has said in the past that her biological mom used to hit her a lot – sometimes so bad that she had to go to the hospital. What do you tell your friend about running away? What do you tell your friend about her adopted parents?
  4. What is the best job that you want in the future?
  5. What can you do this week to help you get to that job?


Kids’ Discussions:
Ch. 01
| Ch. 02Ch. 03 | Ch. 04 | Ch. 05 | Ch. 06 | Ch. 07 | Ch. 08 | Ch. 09 | Ch. 10 | Ch. 11 | Ch. 12 | Ch. 13 | Ch. 14 | Ch. 15 | Ch. 16 | Ch. 17

Parents’ Discussions:

Ch. 01 | Ch. 02 | Ch. 03 | Ch. 04 | Ch. 05 | Ch. 06 | Ch. 07 | Ch. 08 | Ch. 09 | Ch. 10 | Ch. 11 | Ch. 12 | Ch. 13 | Ch. 14 | Ch. 15 | Ch. 16 | Ch. 17

Written by
Co-founder and President of Transfiguring Adoption. Darren is a graduate of Illinois State University where he studied fine art. He offers foster and adoptive parents over a decade of experience in parenting foster and adoptive children, as well as his introductory to counseling training. Darren is the author of the "A Guide to Magical Creatures Around Your Home," book series. [email protected] LinkedIn: Book series:

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