3 Ways To Tell If You’re Fighting Or Standing Up For Yourself – Chapter 4 – Kids’ Discussion


In this chapter we meet more of Draco Malfoy’s family; we meet his father. What did you think of Lucius Malfoy? Would you like to hang out with him for a day? How did you think he treated his son? Toward the end of the chapter Lucius and Mr. Weasley get into a fight.

WAIT A SECOND… isn’t fighting bad?! 

I, Darren, turned it over to my adopted kids to figure this situation out.

Was Mr. Weasley Fighting or Standing Up for Himself?

There’s probably a big difference between standing up for yourself and fighting. Right?! Well, whenever someone gets into a fight people think it’s bad. However, if someone stands up for himself/herself, they are seen as being brave. Those are two very opposite reactions.

“Mr. Weasley was standing up for his children but he was also fighting. Well, hm…,” was an out loud thought process I heard at the table as we spoke.

“Yeah, he was doing a little bit of both, ” reasoned another child as all four kids tried to figure out the situation.

“He was fighting because Mr. Malfoy’s eye was red and got hurt while they were fighting,” blurts out our youngest child.

“Mr. Weasley was standing up for himself, because Mr. Malfoy was saying bad things about him. Mr. Weasley lunged at Lucius because sometimes you just get so angry that you act out.”


Standing Up for Yourself

All the kids were thinking hard but I could see that we weren’t getting anywhere to be able to tell if Mr. Weasley did the right thing or not. What does it mean when you say you’re standing up for yourself?

One child quickly said, “Standing up for yourself means you don’t get into a fight.”

However, another argued, “You can get into a fight. If a bully started picking on you, you might get into a fight. You’re defending yourself and you’re not trying to hurt them though. You’re also not starting the fight. When you’re in karate, you’re taught to block punches and kicks. ”

This sounded good but another child countered, “Mr. Weasley did the right thing by standing up for himself but he shouldn’t have gotten into a fight.”

“It might be okay to fight when you’re standing up for yourself but you have to live with the consequences,” stated another child.


You’re talking to your friend in the hallway at school. As you both are talking together, she suddenly comments that you’re so stupid. In fact they can’t believe how much of an idiot you are. What do you do? How would you start a fight? How would you stand up for yourself?

  • The Fight
    One child told our crew that it would be easy to start a fight by telling your friend, “No. You’re stupid too.” The child was honest that they have done this with friends and said it doesn’t end well.
  • Passive
    Another child told us that one option would be just to ignore your friend and walk away. However, all of the kids decided that it really didn’t confront your friend and they would probably do it again.
  • Stand Up For Yourself
    Another child gave us our answer for how to stand up for ourselves and told our crew that we simply need to look our friend nicely in the eye and declare, “No. I’m not stupid. I’m actually quite smart” and then suggested walking away after that statement, if it seemed like an argument might begin. The child also emphasized again that you’re simply defending yourself and NOT looking for a fight.

3 Ways To Tell If You’re Standing Up For Yourself

Before you read on, how do you know if you’re standing up for yourself or fighting?

  1. Good Reason
    Whenever someone stands up for themselves, they have a good reason. It’s not just because they are mad or angry. There is something wrong happening and that person wants the wrong to stop.
  2. Fighting Is A Last Resort
    When someone is standing up for themselves, they aren’t wanting to start a fight. In fact they don’t want any fighting to happen. However, they want the wrong to stop. When you watch a Spider-man movie, Spider-man usually says something to the villain before a fight starts.

    “I don’t want to fight you.”

    Spiderman tries to talk to the villain first. He tries to make him see that what they are doing is wrong. However, when the villain continues to hurt innocent people Spiderman doesn’t stand for it.

    Disclaimer Time: Are we saying that you should fight people when they won’t listen to you? No Way. There are usually a lot of different options for people to work things out. If someone is doing something wrong, there are more ways than acting like a super hero to stop the wrong. Getting safe adults involved. Having friends help talk to a person.

  3. Live With The Consequences
    When someone stands up for themselves, they are able to live with the consequences. From the example above, if Jasmine told her friend she wasn’t stupid, her friend might start an argument with her. She can live with that because her friend also knows that Jasmine doesn’t want to be called ignorant. If Spiderman badly hurts the villain in his fight, he can live with the consequence of injuring another human being. Why?! He knows if he didn’t somehow stop the villain many many other people would be seriously hurt.

 What Would You Have Done?

Here’s something that happened to our family while at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida.

All six of us were going to ride Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey in the Hogsmeade area of the park. We had waited in line for about 45 minutes and were finally able to board the ride cars. Four of us rode in one vehicle. My son, Matthew and I had to ride with two other teens in another car. After 45 minutes of waiting, we were stoked to be on the ride and really getting into it when…

Suddenly, the ride stopped. A very angry women exited the ride with her two other girl friends. All of them yelling at a female staff worker. It appears that the first rider was unable to get the safety harness around her midsection properly so the staff member stopped the ride and was asking her to get back to the front of the line to try again. Unable to hear the staff member over her own yelling the rider got angrier and started yelling things such as, “I’ve NEVER been treated like this on this ride. I want to see a manager. I’ll have YOUR job for this.”


The two teens in our car were friends with the group and demanded to be let out of their seats. They joined the angry and red-faced girl riders as they all chanted that they wanted to see a manager. At this point everyone else on the ride is dead quiet. No one willing to do or say anything to this miniature mob that is very upset. I look over at the woman staff member who is trying as hard as she can to keep calm and fighting back tears. The whole time, however, the staff member didn’t confront the riders on their hurtful words. She remained professional and desperately tried to explain how she was keeping everyone safe.

I’m not going to tell you what I did because I want to know what you would do.

  1. Was there a wrong in this situation?
  2. How could the female staff member have turned this into a fight?
  3. Would you stand up for anyone? What would you do?
  4. Could you live with the consequences of your actions? Would you feel okay about not doing anything?


We want to hear from your family

Did you agree with our family? Does your family have some different views? Please share your comments for discussion below.


Kids’ Discussions:

Ch. 01 | Ch. 02 | Ch. 03 | Ch. 04 | Ch. 05 | Ch. 06 | Ch. 07 | Ch. 08 | Ch. 09 | Ch. 10 | Ch. 11 | Ch. 12

Parent Discussions: 

Ch. 01 | Ch. 02 | Ch. 03 | Ch. 04

Written by
Co-founder and President of Transfiguring Adoption. Darren is a graduate of Illinois State University where he studied fine art. He offers foster and adoptive parents over a decade of experience in parenting foster and adoptive children, as well as his introductory to counseling training. Darren is the author of the "A Guide to Magical Creatures Around Your Home," book series. darren@transfiguringadoption.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/darrenfink Book series: www.magicalcreaturs.com

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