WHY HAVE THE BLOGS STOPPED FOR A BIT?
The Fink family has taken a bit of a break after reading chapter 10 of The Sorcerer’s Stone to deal with an unexpected adoption crisis. What was the crisis? What happened? Is everyone alright?What happened?! While being purposefully general, I will state that an old behavior resurfaced in one of our kids.
If you’re an adoptive or foster parent you know these situations. It’s the moment when you finally think that the child has finished hoarding food under their bed mattress only to discover decaying food under a bed after a year without an incident. It’s the moment when you feel that your child is done biting themselves or hitting others only to discover teeth marks or get word from a concerned parent that has a child with a black eye.
The behaviors can be exhausting enough but as foster/adoptive parents we also must cope with the general populous that doesn’t understand how children from traumatic pasts can act or feel. In our situation, a person called Child Protective Services on our child – sending the whole family into turmoil. For those concerned, the investigation of our child went quite well. The child has gone through the situation realizing that a plethora of people love them and is finally receiving services that our family has been asking for ever since we moved to a new state.
HOW DO YOU COPE WITH A CRISIS?
Differing levels of crisis are a part of a foster/adoptive parent’s life. We have our own baggage and every single kiddo brings their varying level of baggage to the home. Having a support system isn’t a suggestion but a necessity. Here are some of the things that got us through this crisis:
- Immediate family: Our whole family came around the investigated child. While the child accepted responsibility for the parts of the situation that was their fault, the rest of the family made absolutely sure that the child knew they were loved, special and NOT an untouchable person.
- Friends: These were people that didn’t necessarily have professional advice for our situation BUT they were invaluable people that gave us emotional support.
- Professionals: We called friends that were within the law enforcement, counseling and educational professions. Together these chums were able to give us advice so that our family could put together a plan of attack to get us through the situation.
- Honesty: I know that for some foster/adoptive parents, they may want to conceal events due to paranoia that comes from working within the system. We believe not only that people can change BUT that honesty is the best way to get through a situation. Our family was honest with friends, neighbors, professionals, etc. The honesty is the reason we are receiving services that we need.
- Kept it normal: Kids from traumatic pasts have had so much upset to their daily lives and routines. We strived to keep things on as normal of a schedule as possible. I feel there is a life lesson to be learned there – Some day a crisis will hit us all, and the following day you still have to get our to bed, take a shower, eat breakfast, and go to work.
- Prayer: I believe that the many people asking God to help our family in this crisis was the reason that a scary situation turned into a great catalyst for getting our kiddo significant services.
MY PLEA TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC
I spoke to a friend that told me about an incident that involved his neighborhood while he was growing up. He was just a boy, and the incident involved several kids from his area. He told me that the situation was handled by the parents coming together and discussing how to nip the situation in the bud. The situation was taken care of, and as far as I could tell from the story, all the children grew up as normally as possible.
One down side of technology is that in American culture, we have grown accustomed to staying inside our homes. However, I would plea that parents must come together and form communities in their neighborhoods that can raise children. I not only cherish the gentleman that plays basketball with my kids down the street, but I love it when other parents correct my children. This type of community is empowered to raise the next generation instead of merely protecting their homes. I know that it seems impossible with a busy schedule to add responsibility to one’s life. However, if we don’t all take charge of raising the next generation, they will be found ill prepared for leading us into the future.
