Early in our foster care journey, we were really struggling with one of our kiddos. This child would rage, tantrum and melt down for hours on end. I was in total shock that a person could scream bloody murder for three and four hours and never lose their voice or even get the slightest bit hoarse. Therapy was a waste of time at that point. I mean, we went, but the staff would tell me the child climbed the walls during the therapy. I thought they were speaking metaphorically until I attended a session. This child literally climbed the walls, rearranged the furniture, rolled around on the floor, changed the subject, ignored questions, and basically did anything possible to avoid the therapist’s attempts to talk. Nothing and no one seemed to be able to reach this child who seemed to always be in fight, flight, or freeze with walls up all around to not let anyone in, shutting out all help. Fear drove this child’s every action.

The Power of a Song

A breakthrough came one day listening to the lyrics of the song “Sticking With You” by Addison Road and realizing how much it applied to our situation and seeing those lyrics reaching the heart of one of our children. I could see this young child listening—I mean really listening—to the words of the song. Here are the lyrics:

“Come on, it’s me you’re talking to
There’s something going on inside of you
Don’t have to say it but I wish you would
‘Cause it would be much easier

You always hide behind yourself
You walk a lonely road with no one’s help
I hate to break the news
You’re headed for a fall

And if I have to jump, then I’ll jump
And I won’t look down
You can cry, you can fight
You can scream and shout

I’ll push and pull until your walls come down
And you understand, I’m gonna be around
I’m sticking with you, sticking with you

Even if you try and shut me out
I’m staying here ’cause that’s what love’s about
I might let you down
But I won’t let you go

So lean into me, I want to know
Everything about the fear you hold inside
‘Cause you and I
Are better than just one

And if I have to jump, then I’ll jump
And I won’t look down
You can cry, you can fight
You can scream and shout

I’ll push and pull until your walls come down
And you understand, I’m gonna be around
I’m sticking with you, sticking with you

That’s what it means to love you
That’s what it means to have your back
That’s what it means to show you

And if I have to jump, then I’ll jump
And I won’t look down
You can cry, you can fight
You can scream and shout

I’ll push and pull until your walls come down
And you understand, I’m gonna be around
I’m sticking with you, sticking with you”

I started singing it to this child over and over. We’d get in the car, and I’d play it again and again, and we would sing along. The other three kids were oblivious, but this child knew who I was speaking those words to through that song. I sang of unconditional love, of sticking by the child, of doing what had to be done, or seeing past the fight this child was putting up, of letting me in to help, and I reached a little heart.

Through the years, we have been able to reach our kids through music at times when nothing else seemed to work. We have yet to see a song as powerful as “Sticking with You” was, but others have definitely helped us on our family’s journey. And, when the tension is thick in the house, nothing else quite relaxes the air like a dance party.

Grade:

Transfiguring Adoption awarded this book 4 Hoots out of 5 based on how useful it will be for a foster/adoptive family. [Learn more about our Hoot grading system here]

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Now It’s Your Turn:

• What songs have you noticed stuck out to your children?