I have started and re- started this entry probably over a dozen times. I want to say something insightful and beautiful that would fit the situation I am in at this point of my life. I want to do this blessing I have received justice with my words. How do I communicate the whirlwind of joy I have felt over these last few weeks? Finally, thirty eight years of wondering, hurting, and feeling like I don’t have an identity due to being an adoptee have come to an end! I have found my biological father, and he is more than I ever could have imagined that he could be!
Is This Typical?
First of all, I would like to say that my situation is not typical. Many times have adoptees found biological parents and faced secondary rejection. I, myself, faced it with my bio mom, and it nearly destroyed me! But, God picked me up, dusted me off, and gave me the courage to try again. I am thankful and absolutely humbled by what he had in store for me next.
My Best Advice for Adoptees
My number one piece of advice to adoptees looking for biological family is this: GET YOUR DNA TESTED!!! A few years ago, my husband gave me a gift that turned out to be more than its worth in gold, silver, or diamonds. If you haven’t already guessed, it was a DNA kit from ancestry.com. Taking the test was easy, I spit in a vial and sent it off to some unlucky individual whose job it is to unpack vials of other people’s spit. A few weeks later, I received a genetic profile (which was very interesting in its own right), and a list of relatives whose spit’s DNA matched my spit’s DNA (ok, enough with the saliva talk). For quite some time, the only matches I had on Ancestry belonged to obscure relatives like 5th cousins or to people in my bio mother’s family (and they certainly weren’t interested in knowing me). I would check my profile every week for any new developments over the last few years. I would leave the site sad and disappointed. Sometimes I would even wonder if the money and time spent on the DNA test was even worth it.
After what seemed like a lifetime without any new developments, I made a virtual poster to aide in my search for my father. I used every bit of information I had been given by the adoption agency and prayed that he would see it. Fast forward to a couple of years later (2018), this poster came up on my Facebook memories. I shared it once again, but this time I had a different attitude. I felt like I had done everything I could have to find my father (there were several other steps I took over the years that yielded nothing). I had finally submitted my search to my Heavenly Father. In my prayers, I said “ If it is your will that I do not find my biological father, it will be all right. I know You are my Father, and I will root my identity in You”. A few weeks later, God gave me the biggest blessing I have ever received!
A Close DNA Match
THERE WAS A CLOSE MATCH ON MY DNA!!! That’s right! I had a close family match! I sent the information I had on this individual to a “Search Angel” (usually another adoptee who has figured out how to find long lost family). She looked at our DNA Profiles, and my close match’s family tree and was able to determine that this person is my paternal Grandmother! From there, she was able to find my birth father’s name, address, and Facebook profile. Well, I have never been much for waiting so I promptly contacted him and a person who would be my sister (MY SISTER! YAYYYYY! I HAVE 2 SISTERS AND 2 BROTHERS!!!). My sister answered my inquiry, and chatted with me for a while, and a few days later, I got a text on my phone. It was from my father and he gave me his number to call him and re-assured me that he doesn’t bite!
My father had told all of his family about me, and I got to meet him and his absolutely wonderful wife the next Monday. My husband and I were blessed even further to get to meet one of my brothers and one of my sisters and their spouses the next Saturday. We “clicked” instantly! I have been accepted by many family members and I have learned so much from all of them. I look forward to making many memories together in the future! I am so blessed!
So, on a personal note:
I am so proud of my “new” family! This doesn’t mean that I am turning my back on or replacing my adoptive family. After all, they were the ones who raised me and took care of me for all of these years. There isn’t a “set” amount of love that a person gets in a lifetime. Love grows. Love evolves. Love encompasses everyone. And, to quote one of my most favorite songs by The Beatles, “love is all you need”.