Overcoming Night Terrors and Bedtime Stress

The first night I was a foster dad was very memorable. I remember being wore out that first day. My wife and I didn’t have children of our own and the five year old girl and 22 month old boy staying in our home had energy to spare. I needed the kids to go to bed on time because I was exhausted and I need to rest so I could be “on duty” again the next day.

I can remember being so proud that we got everyone dressed into new PJs without a fuss. We oversaw teeth being brushed, getting a sip of water, using the toilet and bedtime stories. Everyone seemed to be tucked into their new beds and ready for sleep.

I wish my older self could talk to my younger self at that point. Our daughter was alone on the second floor in a new and strange bedroom. You can imagine how many times during the night she ran down the stairs. I, an unexperienced parent, marched her back to her bedroom assuring her that everything was safe. Sometimes she had a reason for coming downstairs, sometimes she didn’t, and sometimes she claimed to simply want to say, “good night,” for the umpteenth time.

Finally, we were able to get our daughter stay in bed long enough to fall asleep. The whole time I was amazed that our son was the one staying in his toddler bed and sleeping. However, I can only imagine how exhausting moving to yet another home must have been for him. Suddenly, I heard a blood curdling scream come from our son’s bedroom. I must have teleported to the room because I don’t even remember running to him. I do remember sitting by his bed and telling him that he was safe. He continued to scream and flail his arms. It was then that I realized that he was still asleep. To this day it is one of the most frightening things for me to try and comfort a person who is experiencing night terrors. They cannot tell you what is happening, why they are frightened, or why they appear to be fighting for their life. All they do is scream and fight an invisible foe.

When my son finally awoke and I was able to calm him, he slipped back into sleep. I would crawl myself and my bundle of nerves to bed only to have to rush out of my bedroom a few more times to console a toddler dealing with night terrors.

I have learned quite a bit about how trauma can affect a child (or any person) and simply about various therapeutic parenting techniques. Am I perfect? Far from it. However, I did learn a few things that helped me putting younger children to bed. Let me know what your tips are…

How Would I Help Children At Bedtime Now?

1. Air Mattress in My Bedroom
   Children from traumatic backgrounds have commonly had something happen to them in their past which can make them uneasy about the night and the dark. Quite frankly there are a lot of “well-adjusted” adults that are fearful about the dark. There is something about not knowing what the darkness can conceal and hide that makes us anxious. Add to the fact that some children have suffered physical or sexual abuse at night and the dark can take on downright upsetting characteristic.
   We often have an air mattress or sleeping bag for children to use if they get scared in the middle of the night. We always start the night off with doing nighttime rituals (bedtime story, songs, talks, etc) in their bedroom to set the expectation that we DO want the child to eventually be able to spend the night in their room. However, we allow them to come to our room so that they know that they do not have to face their fears and their past alone.
2. Earlier Bedtimes
   When we first started our foster care journey, we polled other parents about their bedtimes for their children. We found over time that the sleep times needed for other children was less than what our children required.
   It makes sense to me now. It is extremely draining to have your world turned upside down and move to a new home. Even if they do not recognize it, we as the parents need to know that our children’s bodies need more time to rest. There is simply so many important things that happen while sleeping including the brain processing the day’s events and preparing itself for the next day of activity.
   We noted the children thriving more in our home if we turned back the bedtime hour a bit. This might result in younger children going to bed at 7:00pm instead of 8:00pm. Our family therapist even suggested that the younger children have a 6:30pm bedtime once in a while when we noted them needed more sleep.
3. Pretend Fun
   We had fun invented fun and pretend creatures with our kids which addressed nighttime issues. One of the creatures we invented was as little fellow named the Dipsy Toad. It was essentially a toad with a crescent moon mark on its forehead. The story we invented was that if a child were to get a “kiss” from from the toad, they would have good dreams all night long. This extended to pretending that lotion with lavender scent was saliva from the toad and could help with nighttime dreams. Essentially, we came up with a playful way for dad to massage lotion on my children’s arms while they laid in bed waiting to fall asleep.
   This not only allowed my child and I to spend some extra quality time together but got them calm and relaxed before trying to fall asleep. It also showed my child that adults also like to pretend and play; this modeled play for children who had left play behind in order to take on adult responsibilities of caring for themselves when an adult didn’t appear to be “on duty” in their birth homes.
   You can learn more about the Dipsy Toad and MORE “therapeutic” activities we used by visit the following website: www.magicalcreaturs.com

Night time can be an anxiety ridden time fo the day. However, I have certainly found that through building a stronger relationship with my child and better understanding their needs that bed time can become a more welcoming time where my child gets the rest their body desperately needs for healthy growth and formation.