** Spoilers Could Be Ahead **

How Is This Relevant To Adoption & Foster Care?

This movie follows the escapades of the siblings Kate and Teddy Pierce after they have lost their father to a death related to his job as a firefighter. While the children in this film are continuing to live with their birth mother, the whole family is having to cope with the grieving of the loss in the family and are finding their new way of being “normal”.

As one of the main characters copes with his grief, he must also struggle with his self-esteem as he feels he is a disappointment when all the people who love him see his potential and value. Children from traumatic backgrounds might feel like they are a disappointment or have trouble seeing their self-worth because they may blame themselves for being taken away from their birth families. Families might find that while those who love them can easily see a child’s potential, the child behaves as someone who is “worthless.”

This film might also resonate with some children from traumatic backgrounds who find Christmas to be a confusing time full of various anxieties due to the separation from a parent(s).

Discussion Points:

• Coping with Grief
  Very early on in the movie we discover that Mr. Pierce has passed away in a work related incident. The family dynamics have changed and everyone is coping with the grief in various ways. Children from foster care or adoption situations will be able to relate as they have obviously been separated from their birth family. It would be beneficial for your family to discuss how they see the family coping with the loss of the father well and not so well. Naturally, the character of Teddy stealing cars is not a good choice. However, it would be interesting to talk with your children about why you and they think he is doing this action. It also seems like the family doesn’t talk a lot about their grief as we can see different family members begin to talk about the father and then stop to change the subject. 
• Rebelling Against Authority / Breaking the Law
  This topic coincides nicely with the following topic for discussion. Teddy can be found stealing cars with his friends. This is portrayed as something that is out of character for him and we learn that he has been getting into trouble quite a bit after the death of his father. While the following topic could be the root of his actions, it would still be good for families to discuss the concept of breaking the law as a reaction to one’s grief. Most kids might be able to tell you that stealing a car is wrong but can they also tell you why it is wrong and can they explain why it doesn’t help Teddy’s situation. These conversations would be great if they were followed up with discussions about healthy ways in which to cope with great sadness, disappointment or anxiety. 
• Self-Esteem – Feeling You’re A Disappointment
  Teddy has a moment during the movie in which he expresses his feelings of feeling angry at his father for helping two strangers in a fire because he lost his life when his family still needed him. Teddy expresses that he feels like his father would be disappointed in him. It would be good for a family discussing why they feel Teddy would feel this way. It would also be good to point out that Santa tells Teddy that he needs to believe in himself just like the other people in his life believe in his uniqueness. For children from traumatic backgrounds these can be good conversations as they might believe their own warped sense of who they are instead of what others see in them. 
• Fixing a Mistake
  The children in the film accidentally cause Santa to crash his sleigh and put the evening of present-delivering into jeopardy. During the course of the film the children must admit that they caused this situation and commit to helping with steps to remedy the situation. It would be worthwhile to have a conversation about how the children admitted to their mistake/accident, since it can be difficult for children from a traumatic background to accept that they might make a mistake (sometimes in their minds making a mistake translates to “I’m a mistake.”) Parents might find that they could talk about how the children created an accident but this still didn’t change the fact that they were talented and unique people. It would also be worth discussing that the children not only admitted to the mistake but committed to a plan to help make it up to the people whom they hurt during the situation.

Cautionary Points:

• Loss of a Parent
  This has been discussed quite a bit throughout this review and is the biggest and most obvious trauma trigger that could exist in this movie. Naturally, children in the foster care system or who have been adopted are more than likely dealing with the loss of their birth family. Some children may have even experienced the death of a parent or caregivers. For these reasons a child could be reminded about past trauma when watching this film. However, if your child is able to handle this kind of content, the theme poses as a good topic for conversation.
  
  
• Mild Language
  While this is not usually a major concern for parents with children from traumatic backgrounds, there is some mild language at the beginning of the movie. The language is very mild and brief. It is mainly used when the daughter, Kate, is creating a video message for Santa and is talking about how she is trying to stop swearing. There are merely a few words and they are presented in a mild and comical fashion. This doesn’t seem to be a major hurdle for viewing the movie but Transfiguring Adoption wants parents to be aware of it so they can make their own decision. 
• Children Left Home Alone
  During the course of the film the children are left home alone a couple of times to take care of themselves. Even when the children are with Santa Claus, they are separated from him and have to care for themselves. While the teenage son, Teddy, appears to be 16-18 years old, the fact that the children don’t have an adult around to help them with issues might be problematic for children who come from situations of severe neglect. 
• Scenes of Jail
  At one point in the film Santa is put in jail. This could potentially bother children whose parents have been incarcerated. It is worth noting that this film is a lighthearted, family comedy, so the scenes of prison are not very grim. In fact Santa starts a song and dance party while he is in his cell complete with actor, Kurt Russell, singing, “It’s Christmas Time Pretty Baby.” 
• Kidnapping
  While searching for Santa’s lost items, the Pierce children are in an unsafe area of the city at night. The teenage boy, Teddy, is kidnapped by a gang of thieves who forcefully take Teddy and Santa’s magic sack back to their hideout to be delivered to their gang boss. This reviewer found the portrayal of the mob and their boss to be pretty light content wise. Very little of the scene in the hideout contains a sense of serious danger as Santa’s elves quickly leap from the sack and attack the thieves in a hilarious and comical fashion. It should still be considered that the kidnapping might trigger children who might have been kidnapped in their past OR who FEEL like they were kidnapped when put into foster care or adopted.

Discussion Guide:

1. 1. What is the best Christmas present you have ever received or wished for? Why?
      Caregiver Note: Depending how long a child has lived in your home, you might be surprised at the answer. This question is a good way for the whole family to gain some insight into the likes and dislikes of other family members in order to understand them better.
       
   2. The Pierce family enjoyed several Christmas traditions such as leaving cookies for Santa, wearing ugly Christmas sweaters from their aunt, and so on. What is your favorite Christmas tradition?
      Caregiver Note: For children who are away from their birth family, this question could be a powerful tool for caregivers to understand what was important for your child around Christmas time. Parents might discover special traditions which were employed in the birth family home or special foods that were eaten around Christmas time. It can be important for your family to merge some of your child’s familiar traditions into your home to give them a sense of felt safety and familiarity.
       
   3. Stealing didn’t seem like it was something Teddy would do before his father died. Why do you think he started stealing cars with his friends after his father died?
      Caregiver Note: People all cope and deal with grief in different ways. Through the course of the movie we discover that Teddy was angry at his father for seemingly helping strangers in a fire as a part of his job because it cost his life. This seems to make Teddy feel less important to his father and Teddy expresses that he needed to know that his father was proud of him. Sometimes when people feel like they cannot “measure up” to everyone’s view of them, they could simply give up and go in the complete opposite direction. This can be a great topic to discuss with a child to see if they are having any similar feelings. If they are really struggling with their self-esteem, this conversation can be great for getting information that can be discussed with a professional counselor. 
   4. What are two suggestions you would give Teddy for how he can handle feeling sad and upset about the death of his father besides stealing cars and getting into trouble?
      Caregiver Note: As was discussed briefly in the review, most children can tell someone that it is wrong to do something like lie, steal, cheat, or hurt someone else. However, they might not be able to express why it is wrong or give good ways for someone to handle grief and anxiety in a healthy manner. This is a good question to open up a conversation for you to hear what your child is thinking. It will also allow you to follow up with ideas or concepts to help your child with their own stress and grief. 
   5. Would you rather have Santa’s magic hat so you could fly or would you rather be able to produce toys people want from inside a magic coat? Why?
      Caregiver Note: Not all questions should be deep and serious. This is a great, light question for you and your child to talk about likes and dislikes. Learn what your child is thinking and learn more about their personality from how they answer. 
   6. Teddy is kidnapped by a group of thieves in the middle of the movie. Why were they able to do this? What are kids supposed to do to stay safe?
      Caregiver Note: It should never be taken for granted that your child knows how to keep themselves safe in public and around strangers. This question is a great opportunity for you to talk to your child about what is safe behavior to keep them safe around strangers. This topic can be used for talking about keeping yourself safe on social media. Does your younger child know they need to stay close to an adult in public? Does your teen know not to tell strangers online their personal information? Do they know the consequences of not following these rules? 
   7. Teddy and Kate insist that they help Santa deliver gifts after Santa declares there is not enough time. What would have happened if they didn’t admit their mistake? Are they bad people because they made a mistake?
      Caregiver Note: Many children from traumatic backgrounds have a difficult time knowing that they can make a mistake without the mistake defining who they are. In others words making a mistake means that they ARE a “failure.” Thus, it can be difficult to own up to an accident if it means labeling yourself as a failure. This question will allow families to talk about the characters in the movie. It is actually honorable when the children own their mistake and fix it. It would be good for parents to lead the conversation to discuss how mistakes do not define a person and to discuss how to handle an accident. 
   8. Why is it hard for people to admit they made a mistake? Why is it hard for you?
      Caregiver Note: This question pairs with the last question. After you have talked about the topic of accepting a mistake and fixing it in the movie, it is time to steer the conversation slowly and gently to make it more personal for YOU and your child. Be sure to not be judgmental or critical of anything your child says so that they are sure to share what could be difficult thoughts. This should be a good time for you, the parent, to communicate to your child that they are NOT a failure and loved by you even when they make a mistake.
      
      
   9. During the movie one of the police officers continued to tell the other officers about seeing flying reindeer. No one believed him and made fun of him. Who are people you can tell truths to and they will believe you?
      Caregiver Note: It is important for children from traumatic backgrounds to know who they can confide in without feeling judged or made fun of. Some children may have been told they were liars when talking about a traumatic event or the adults around them may not have listened to them when they shared their worries and concerns. This question allows you to talk about the characters in the movie, possibly discussing who is a safe person to talk to in the movie. The question primarily allows you to assure that your child knows who they can confide in and assure they understand the characteristics of a safe adult to talk with. 
   10. Activity: The Santa Claus Plan
       Pretend that Santa Claus knocked on the front door of your home right before bedtime. Just like in the movie he doesn’t have enough time to get all the presents delivered around the world due to a malfunction on one of the devices in his sleigh. He is going to need all of your family to help. He needs:
       1. One person to drive
       2. At least one person to throw presents to him on rooftops
       3. At least one person to call out addresses and names
       4. At least one person to be sure that the elves don’t get sticky candy cane all over his book of names and his sleigh
          Together as a family, decide which job should be assigned to which family member and explain why you’re assigning that person to that task.
          Bonus: Draw a picture of your family helping Santa.

   Caregiver Note: This activity will primarily give your family something fun to discuss as a whole family unit. You will have to work together to figure this problem out. This is a great time for everyone to learn about each other’s talents, strengths, and possibly even weaknesses. The nice part about the activity is that there is no right way to complete it so you can avoid the stress of it having to be done a certain way.