Discussion Guide:
- Who is your favorite character? What character are you most like?
Caregiver Note: This is an opening question that will help ease you and your child into more difficult topics. Children who have endured trauma may struggle to connect concepts in movies to real life and need help to make these connections. In the same way children often struggle to connect feelings to behavior to themselves and others but seeing a character work through such issues can help the child make these connections and give the language to express this. - Why was Bridget sad when she and King Gristle received the holiday cards from the Trolls? Why did she just take pictures with days of the week?
Caregiver Note: When Bridget received all these fun, beautiful pictures of the Trolls having fun she struggled with the feeling of missing out (“FOMO” for those who are slang-savvy). She didn’t have a holiday card to reciprocate with and I’m sure Bridget didn’t send cards out for Trollstice when it existed so this tradition is very foreign to Bridget… but she still wants to feel included! Children from the child welfare system or are separated from family of origin may feel this as well. They may not know unspoken rule that everyone cheats at Rook on Thanksgiving. They haven’t been taught how to make cookies from scratch. They may not have done Christmas gifts like yours either… but they want to feel a part of what happening and feel less “other.” For this reason many kids may feel like Bridget, wanting to connect, or like King Gristle who is frustrated with what appears to be meaningless pageantry. - Why did it not help the Bergens to just take a holiday from the Trolls?
Caregiver Note: At this point in the Trolls-universe the Bergens have been through a significant amount of cultural shifting in a relatively short amount of time. While Trollstice was not very neighborly this was the only holiday this cultural group maintained. When the Trolls ran away in the original movie this caused much grief for the loss of this tradition and the joy experienced. After befriending the Trolls the Bergens realized that this tradition was harmful to their new friends and that joy could be found in other ways… but this meant the cultural piece had been severed from this entire culture. Children who have endured trauma may have a very different culture from your own. This can, of course, include language expression, ethnicity, food, holidays, and child rearing but it can also include generational abuses, substance abuse exposure, neglect, and domestic violence exposure. Just handing a child a new tradition and expecting them to completely understand the meanings of this tradition and the value is much like the experience of the Trolls trying to give the Bergens a holiday. It feels forced, uncomfortable, and confusing. While children absolutely want to belong and experience joy and bonding with your family, only recognizing your own culture in the home will only isolate your child emotionally from the rest of the family. This is why it’s important to try to incorporate values pieces of your child’s culture and to create new traditions unique to your new family. - ACTIVITY: Gotcha Day Planning!
Caregiver Note: Gotcha Day is a day that can be celebrated whether it’s the day your child came to your home or was legally adopted into your family. Give your child the ropes in planning out a Gotcha Day holiday unique to your child and family Queen Poppy style – with a scrapbook! Grab some magazines, glue sticks, child-appropriate scissors, markers, confetti/glitter, and other creative materials to create a Gotcha Day scrapbook with at least 3 steps for the perfect day to celebrate as a family. Allow your child to pick out a favorite dinner or dessert to mark the day or even a fun activity. One family I know has the tradition of birthday icing faces that they did with their adoptees for years. It was such a big tradition I was even sent icing face pictures for my own birthday. Those kids have grown now but this created lots of fun memories for those children and their family. And feel free to call this celebration whatever you like… it’s your new tradition to design any way you like! - Why was Bridget afraid to tell Queen Poppy she and King Gristle did not like the holidays the Trolls wanted to share?
Caregiver Note: Children who have endured trauma often lack the communication skills and vocabulary to express how they feel and what they want. This can result in either shutting down, as Bridget did at first, or with outbursts of pent up rage and leaving a caregiver confused. “Why weren’t they grateful???” …. Right? Sometimes adults get so excited about bonding with a child they may forget that the child may need help making gains in these developmental areas and require some detective work to figure out what your child is really feeling and how to best respond. It’s easy to say that Bridget should not have blown up at Queen Poppy, but Queen Poppy throughout each Trolls installment continually struggles to listen to her friends and probably could have seen Bridget and King Gristle’s discomfort had she really listened sooner. - Have you ever felt like Bridget and been afraid to tell someone you are uncomfortable or dislike something? What did you do?
Caregiver Note: Children who have endured trauma may react in various, seemingly unhelpful ways to dislike or discomfort. They may shy away further into themselves, afraid to anger or disappoint someone they love. They may also come out fighting with aggression and defiance to create space when they feel unsafe. These are examples of survival behaviors, which are ordinary responses to extraordinary circumstances. It’s important to remember that the same behaviors that kept that child alive throughout the traumatic circumstances they endured without a caring, supportive caregiver. This is a great opportunity to help your child connect their feelings to behavior much like we did with Bridget and Queen Poppy. - How could Queen Poppy have better responded to Bridget’s feelings?
Caregiver Note: This is a great opportunity for you to get some insight on how to best comfort your child when they are ready for fight or flight. Discuss different strategies that Queen Poppy could have used like listening to Bridget’s tone and body language, remembering that Bridget may not communicate like a Troll, being patient, using kind words, using calm tones, or using “I” statements to discuss conflict without blaming. - ACTIVITY: Selfie Squad
Caregiver Note: Grab some props and a camera and take some pictures together. Use some of the fun pictures the Trolls have as examples of themes and faces you and your family can make. Take turns with who is the photographer and enjoy time to laugh together. At the end print off each participant’s favorite picture for their Life Book. Remember, pictures don’t have to be just for holidays. Memories are built with the little things and interactions in life and, like the Bergens, need to have some documentation too.
