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Discussion Packet

Toy Story 3 – Discussion Guide

Discussion Guide:

  1. Why do all the toys become afraid when talking about whether Andy will keep them in the attic or throw them away? How do they all show they are afraid?
    Caregiver Note: This question will bring to awareness the emotions that motivate the behavior of panic. Children who have been through trauma and have been neglected often lack the social and emotional skills to connect feelings to behavior. This discussion will help a child use a less personal example to illustrate how the panic doesn’t just “happen” but starts from reactions in the brain we cannot see. Some examples of why the toys are afraid can be that other toys have been thrown/given away before, Andy’s tone indicates lack of care, past history of being abandoned (in Jessie’s case by previous child Emily), being put in trash bags instead of boxes, etc. The way we see toys express these emotions vary with panicking, jumping to conclusions, anger, and sadness.
  2. Was there a time where you were afraid of being left behind? How did your body react to show you felt afraid inside?
    Caregiver Note: This question will give your child the opportunity to practice connecting feelings to behaviors. Deep down when people are afraid they may react with as many outward emotions and behaviors, all of them valid. Anger, depression, bargaining, and denial are all very common, and essential, responses to immense grief and need to be understood and honored to eventually reach acceptance. Work with your child to practice using words in connection to the emotions and behaviors. This will help with emotional intelligence as well as give some language processing practice that traumatized brains often lack from neglect.
  3. What can I do to let you know that you will not be left behind or forgotten? How can I help when feelings from before come back to help you feel loved?
    Caregiver Note: Over the course of the films we see that Jessie grows and thrives in a home with a loving child to treasure her. However, the moment that sense of felt safety is violated she retreats back to the panic she felt well over a decade (or more) ago. Caregivers must remember that what we view as safe and what a child views as safe while they are in a state of stress may be totally different! Take this opportunity to find ways to help your child feel safe in your home and reassure they are safe as needed. Take note as well to events they have connected to behaviors as meaning they are afraid as this will also help you to decipher your child’s trauma behavior they are using for communication in crisis.
  4. ACTIVITY: Mini Chunk Faces
    Caregiver Note: For this activity you will help your child to create a mechanism like Chunk’s facial emotions from the movie. If you recall, Chunk is a spiky, rocky fellow who can change his emotion with a roller mechanism. For this activity you will need large empty thread spools, tape, cardstock paper, construction paper, markers, scissors, and thread. Take the spool and help your child draw different faces such as angry, sad, happy, and worried. Then, take your cardstock paper, scissors, and tape to cut out a box that will fit the length of the spool, leaving a window on the front for the “face” to show. Poke Holes in the side for your thread and thread it through the center of the spool and holes, tying and securing the thread with tape on the bottom. The thread will need to be tight enough to hold the face in place and have enough slack to allow the spool to rotate. You can reinforce with yarn  if the spool is too large for thread. Then you can cut out some arms, legs, and spikes out of construction paper (using your imagination for however you’d like the limbs) and color your box and construction paper to decorate your Mini Chunk. This will be a great way to connect facial expressions to emotions and can even be used when words are difficult to convey feelings!
  5. When the toys made it to Sunnyside they had a lot of expectations about what daycare would be like. How did Sunnyside compare to what they expected on the first day? How about after they found out about the Butterfly Room? How about after Woody and the gang moved to Bonnie’s?
    Caregiver Note: For children in foster care, change feels like an assault on their brains. Due to overactive stress systems in their bodies they are frequently bathed in cortisol and adrenaline so any measure of the two can inhibit intense fear. This means they may imagine all sorts of scenarios that either comfort or soothe them or may amp them up with more fear and terror. For the toys in this situation they seemed to be more optimistic about their prospects as new toys while on route, but before that going to daycare seemed very scary and full of unknown possibilities. Once they arrived, of course, they discovered a mix of good and bad experiences. Ultimately the group did split up with Barbie staying with Ken at Sunnyside and the others going to Bonnie and they were all able to settle into new life that gave them exactly what they needed. With this we can talk to children about being prepared for new, exciting situations and remembering that though things may go bad they can also turn out better than we could have hoped.
  6. How were Barbie and Ken able to turn Sunnyside around and make it a better home for toys in transition? How can I give the same feeling to you?
    Caregiver Note: With this question we address that feeling of felt safety again. For Ken and Barbie they had a friendly meet and greet, a rotation of “hard chores” (i.e. – playing with rough toddlers) with easier chores (i.e. – the Butterfly Room), and giving support when doing hard things. This is a complete turnaround from the iron fist Losto used in the past. Listen to your child and take note of ways they may need support.
  7. Even though Woody hasn’t been played with by Andy for such a long time he still wants to stay with Andy. Why does Woody keep believing that he and the toys won’t be given or thrown away?
    Caregiver Note: One thing parents usually know after raising siblings is that every child is completely different. For children with trauma, this is amplified depending on how much resiliency a child has developed. Resiliency is built by factors such as a parent’s understanding of child development, a child’s social and emotional competence, a parent’s resilience as well as when trauma occurred. In Woody’s case, he has been with Andy’s loving care for much longer than the other toys and has seen through the years that though Andy’s need for him may change, that Andy will still have love for him. Because of these experiences with Andy being overall positive and seeing time and time again that Andy’s love is not conditional, Woody has an easier time reminding himself of these experiences and acting with them in mind.
  8. Buzz, Jessie, and the rest of the toys are quick to believe that Andy will throw them away even though he has kept them for so long. Woody even tells them he saw the mix up with Andy’s mom happen, but they were still determined that they were being left behind and should seek another home.
    Caregiver Note: Not only have these toys not had as much time as Woody with Andy, some of the toys have had painful separations from Andy or previous children. In Jessie’s case, she has experienced the pain of a child outgrowing her and is terrified of returning to a dark box again. Buzz, though only having temporary separations in the past, is more inclined to also believe that this is the inevitable outcome for toys that are outgrown and tries to move forward quickly to avoid pain. The others (Mr. Potato Head, Hamm, Rex, and Slinky), though in the home longer than Jessie or Buzz, have throughout the films already seemed to change sides or loyalties depending on what appears to be in their best interest of survival. This is another way where we can see how so many factors may affect how a child perceives conflict or change regardless of the level of care or amount of time within a home.
  9. At the end Woody learned he did not need to choose Andy over another child and could share his love with both Andy and Bonnie. In the same way, I want you to know that you don’t have to choose our love or your biological family’s love. You can have as much of both as there can be. How can I help you feel like you don’t have to pick sides with me and your biological family?
    Caregiver Note: Children who live in temporary or permanent care away from the biological family will feel like they are in a tug-of-war at times. Do I love my family that birthed me or the family that found me? Sometimes inadvertently (or obviously) adults can also feed into this internal struggle and this can lead to conflict within the caregiver’s home. Remember, whatever you say or respond with about the biological family you are ultimately saying about a part of your child’s identity. Really listen to your child and take note of what they say as well as how you speak of and react to talking about the biological family.
  10. Activity: You Made It On the Wall!
    Caregiver Note: Help your child draw a picture of their families. Help them draw siblings, foster siblings, biological parents, your family, and anyone else who deserves to make it on The Wall as someone who loves the child and cares for them. Then, take those pictures and arrange them in a place the child can see regularly. For those who may not be able to hang up pictures like this on the wall, paste or tape them onto a poster board so that the poster can be propped up and seen in their room. Reassure your child by allowing them to talk about their family during the activity, remembering that they are a part of their identity.

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NOTE: Inclusion on these lists does not necessarily mean endorsement. Furthermore, with all our resources, we highly recommend you preview them first to determine if there are any trauma triggers that your child may not be ready to handle. Transfiguring Adoption does not intend for its reviewers nor its reviews to be professional, medical or legal advice. These reviews and discussion guides are intended to help parents to better be able to connect and understand their children who come from traumatic backgrounds.

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