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Discussion Packet

The Good Dinosaur (2015) – Discussion Guide

Discussion Guide:

  1. Why did Arlo not feel like he fit in? Has there been a time you felt like you did not fit in?
    Caregiver Note: While Arlo has a very obvious bout of loss and grief from losing his father, it’s important that we recognize Arlo already had struggles prior to this separation. Sometimes in the midst of all the responsibilities of caregiving it’s easy for us to forget the struggles children perceive from before they were removed from the home of origin or even struggles unrelated directly to the removal (i.e. – bullying, struggles in school, missing out on activities that promote normalcy, etc.). It’s important for a caregiver to remember that when a child grieves something new it can bring up old hurts as well and resume grief over other things as well. For this reason, children sometimes have more needs than a caregiver may initially recognize. Helping children bring awareness to their emotions is beneficial to development, but especially for children in care that have missed out on opportunities to build up emotional intelligence skills.
  2. What kinds of things made Arlo feel sad? What event especially caused Arlo to feel out of place and sad?
    Caregiver Note: At this point the child may point out the things that made Arlo feel less than, including how his siblings picked on him, in addition to the loss of his father. It’s important to help your child to recognize all the other things around the loss of the father that affect Arlo as well, such as feeling responsible because he couldn’t fulfill his responsibility in guarding the silo and the trauma inflicted from the large storm that ultimately swept his father away (as well as himself when he accidentally went downstream). Sometimes children struggle to connect their emotions to the various things around them and will struggle to communicate. By practicing giving names to the things that hurt that will help engage the ability to honor those emotions and fears and give space to grieve with you, the bigger, stronger, wiser caregiving adult.
  3. What did Arlo do in response to his father passing that did not help him? What are some things that helped him in his grief from losing his father?
    Caregiver Note: Here we are connecting Arlo’s emotions to his behaviors, which is a valuable skill related to emotional intelligence many children from the child welfare system lack. Help your child recognize Arlo’s body language in his anger and sadness as well as how he acted out in those emotions. Behaviors that resulted in negative consequences included trying to hurt Spot, not being careful and falling into a river/storm again, pushing others away with harsh speech, and pushing away caring connections. Positive behaviors include using advice from his father to get home, using his experience to help others, and using appropriate verbal and non-verbal communication to express how he felt to others.
  4. Was it okay for Nash to shove Ramsey and touch her without asking? Why was that not okay?
    Caregiver Note: This question will help establish an example in violating a person’s boundaries in a way many children with siblings are very familiar with. Often siblings struggle with boundaries with one another due to unclear boundaries in the family of origin, an older sibling tasked with caring for younger children as a parental figure, and even from watching how other adults treat one another. Discuss with your child how it’s not okay for Nash to touch Ramsey without her consent (or permission) and that other children and adults should not be touching them in any way without consent either.
  5. Would it be okay for Arlo to correct Nash for violating Ramsey’s boundaries? Why or why not?
    Caregiver Note: The purpose of this question is to set the boundaries between adult and child, which is another boundary that many children from the child welfare system struggle with due to inappropriate child/adult boundaries often experienced prior to entering the child welfare system. Many older siblings functioned very much as a parental figure to their younger siblings to survive the abuse and neglect endured before entering custody of the child welfare system. For this reason, an older child may especially struggle to recognize the authority of a caregiver and test this boundary over and over. It is important for caregivers to prepare for this and anticipate having to reinforce that they are the adult caregiver and that it is the adult caregiver’s job to settle disputes such as boundary violation.
  6. What are some other kinds of boundaries we need to respect for others besides touching them?
    Caregiver Note: At this time you may discuss further with having healthy emotional boundaries, healthy boundaries in friendships, and further with child/adult boundaries. This is important as this will add to a child’s emotional intelligence skill set in addition to the social intelligence skill set. Discuss how you may greet a very good friend or family member with a hug versus a high five or handshake with an acquaintance as an example of healthy emotional boundaries being reflected in physical boundaries.
  7. What bigger, stronger, wiser adults can you talk to if someone violates your boundaries?
    Caregiver Note: This is an important question to discuss as a child’s sense of felt safety is very different from actual safety. Children in the child welfare system often see adults as unsafe due to the abuse and neglect they have suffered previously. Discuss how caregivers (i.e. – foster parents, adoptive parents, etc.), caseworkers, therapists, teachers, and others are safe resources as they are mandated to care for children and be mindful of their best interest whether they are in the child welfare system or no longer a part of the system.
  8. When Arlo and Spot felt very sad, how could they tell? What did their faces and bodies do when they were sad? How about their tones of voices?
    Caregiver Note: Children from the child welfare system often struggle to connect feelings to  behaviors, especially in themselves. By practicing with Arlo and Spot, they can identify verbal cues for emotion in addition to non-verbal cues from Arlo and Spot both since Spot cannot speak in a known spoken language to the audience.
  9. What are some ways I can tell when you feel especially sad? What are some ways I can tell you I’m here for you without words to help you feel safe and loved?
    Caregiver Note: This question will turn the emotional/social intelligence skills we have started to establish inward by helping a child identify when they are feeling poorly how the body responds. This, and developing a plan while things are calm, will help you and your child connect and communicate when words fail. This is important because children who have endured trauma often have deficits in the prefrontal cortex (which is the part of the brain that develops into the mid and late 20s) and this part of the brain contains language centers. Those deficits combined with the fact that cognitive functioning decreases when emotional escalation increases means that children will most likely struggle to use verbal communications to express how they feel and what they need… which is why we see the behaviors and meltdowns that cause so much chaos in the caregivers home. Help your children come up with a “Help Plan” to communicate with a signal or code word when they need your support but don’t have words. Practice these supports often so that they can become a habit over time.
  10. ACTIVITY: Rustler Round-Up
    Caregiver Note: This can be thought of as a tag-like game. The group is divided into two teams, the Rexes and the Rustlers. The Rexes will have one person on a central base or the play area and guard the person on the base. The Rustlers will try to get past the Rexes without touching the Rexes and get to the central base.

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NOTE: Inclusion on these lists does not necessarily mean endorsement. Furthermore, with all our resources, we highly recommend you preview them first to determine if there are any trauma triggers that your child may not be ready to handle. Transfiguring Adoption does not intend for its reviewers nor its reviews to be professional, medical or legal advice. These reviews and discussion guides are intended to help parents to better be able to connect and understand their children who come from traumatic backgrounds.

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