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Discussion Packet

The Addams Family (2019) – Discussion Guide

Discussion Guide:

  1. Why did the Addams have so much time dedicated to practicing fighting and traps?
    Caregiver Note: Before discussing behaviors, it’s good to look at the root of where a behavior came from. Children (and many adults) often do not see the connection between events, feelings, and then a behavior that responds to the events and feelings. Caregivers working with children that have endured trauma need to become experts in this connection to help children become self-aware of their feelings leading to behaviors.
  2. While the fighting and traps were useful in escaping the angry mob in the village, were they useful in making friends with the neighbors in Assimilation? Why or why not?
    Caregiver Note: Though the behaviors children develop in response to trauma certainly helped them survive up until this point, the same behaviors can cause chaos in the caregiver’s home and in school due to the reasons for these behaviors being removed. Children may continue to tell lies in a caregivers home because in the past telling the truth meant being punished horrifically, and this will take come practice, time, and patience to practice truth telling and honesty especially in times of stress. This is because cognitive functioning decreases in times of emotional escalation, meaning children are more likely to rely on poor coping mechanisms in times of great stress because it is what they know best and are most comfortable with. Caregivers should be mindful of this when practicing new skills with the foster or adoptive child.
  3. How did Wednesday stand out in her new school compared to her classmates?
    Caregiver Note: It’s important to emphasize with this that Wednesday is not “bad” or “weird” for being different from her peers, but that she is unique. Help your child if they struggle with differences. Differences can include how she talks, how she dresses, her interests, not having a cell phone, and being homeschooled prior.
  4. When Wednesday was trying to find styles and interests for herself, how could Morticia have helped? Though Morticia meant well, what was not so helpful while Wednesday was exploring new things?
    Caregiver Note: Sometimes caregivers need to remember that our children are unique individuals that are going to forge their own paths someday. Sometimes these paths may mirror what we hope for them, but sometimes our children may be destined for a path very different from the one we traveled. As long as our children are entering adulthood happy, healthy, and with a bit of direction caregivers need to remember to hold their own hopes and dreams loosely to allow our children room to find that path, which us helping along the way. Wednesday probably would have benefitted from Morticia listening to her about what she needed, giving some (appropriate) space for self-exploration (i.e. – making friends, clothing style, interests, having a means to connect to peers like a phone, etc.), and supporting Wednesday’s new interests. Less helpful actions could include Morticia keeping Wednesday from her friends, tightening her grip on things Wednesday could explore and control, and trying to force Wednesday to exclusively participate in her own interests.
  5. Activity: Create a Family Theme Song MadlibsCaregiver Note: Work with your children to create a family theme song, madlibs-style! When you are done, find an instrumental version on Youtube to deliver the theme song with snaps and all. This will not only allow for bonding through giggles and fun but will also allow for some grammar practice.
    Here is an example:
    The ___________ Family
    They’re _____________(adj.) and they’re _____________(adj.),
    _____________(adj.) and ______________(adj.),
    They’re altogether ______________(adj.).
    The __________ family!
    Their house is a _______________(noun)
    Where people come to ______________(verb) ‘em
    They really are a _______________(noun)
    The __________ family!
    _____________(adj.) , ______________(adj.), _______________(adj.)
    So get a _________________(possessive noun) _________(noun) on
    A ______________(noun) you can __________(verb) on
    We’re gonna _____________(verb) a _______________(noun) on
     The ___________ Family!
     
  6. Why was Gomez so focused on the Mazurka? Why was Pugsley disinterested in practicing for the Mazurka?Caregiver Note: Much like the conflict between Morticia and Wednesday, Gomez is putting an increased amount of expectations on Pugsley without considering if this is what Pugsley wants. Gomez is excited as he culturally sees this as a right-of-passage to his son and has personal pride from his own Mazurka experience at stake. However, Pugsley is more interested in explosives than swords and can be seen self-sabotaging in refusing to practice and hiding further in the interests in explosives
  7. Why was Pugsley afraid of talking to Gomez about the Mazurka?Caregiver Note: Just like Pugsley, even though our children may not share our own passions and dreams they can be hesitant to share these feelings in fear of disappointing a beloved caregiver and, therefore, ruining that relationship. Caregivers need to note that this is especially true of children that have suffered trauma due to loss and separation from primary attachments such as biological parents. Caregivers need to take note to watch how they talk about expectations and ensure that the child is not overwhelmed by fears of disappointing you or other meaningful adults in their lives if they wish to pursue different interests or perhaps adjust a tradition. And remember, Gomez was not trying to be hurtful or pushy with his insistence but that Pugsley’s fear of disappointment was still very real and very meaningful
  8. How did Pugsley use his talent to make the Mazurka his own?Caregiver Note: Pugsley failed his first Mazurka due to not having much talent or interest in swordsmanship like his father, Gomez. The entire time Pugsley was visibly uncomfortable and, at times, afraid. However, once he was allowed to perform the Mazurka with his rockets and explosives, Pugsley was the star of the night and even used these gifts to safe his family… which was the heart of why the Mazurka became a tradition! Caregivers should note that sometimes traditions can change a little in practice but still have just as much meaning and heart to that custom/tradition. For example, if trimming a tree important for you during the holidays but a child’s allergies restrict a live tree an artificial tree will still provide the means to spend time together making and assembling decorations as a family with fun and bonding. Think about ways perhaps a tradition may become your own with your children to create meaningful memories together.
  9. What are the things you are interested in doing? How can I help you like Gomez helps Pugsley?Caregiver Note: Once the communication barriers between Wednesday and Mortica and Pugsley and Gomez have been discussed, this may make it a little easier to discuss how you can meet the needs of your child. There may still be some things a caregiver cannot promise or guarantee (i.e. – court orders, safety plans, etc.) but caregivers should strive to avoid saying no outright. Hear your child out, brainstorm together about possible solutions, and if something as stated is not feasible consider making it a “yes, but…” to put conditions in place. Often foster and adoptive children are told “no” so much by courts, workers, and foster parent requirements that the word can trigger an angry or escalated response. Meeting a request with a conditional yes, options, or even an understanding ear can make a world of a different to a child that seldom has choice. This also allows for you as the caregiver to make accommodations and adjustments to expectations based on your child’s ability and need.
  10. Activity: Water-Balloon Bomb
    Caregiver Note: This activity is encouraged during a warmer season and to be conducted outdoors. Designate one Gomez (aka, the target) with a fake mustache. The object of the game is for all the Pugsleys (or Wednesdays if the children prefer) as a team to pop 10 water balloons on Gomez within two minutes. Gomez may defend against the “bombs” with a sword-sized stick by swatting them away. Everyone can take turns being Gomez with their own fake mustache.

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About the Author: Rachael Rathe

Rachael B. Rathe is an East Tennessee native with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Psychology with a Minor in Child & Family Studies from The University of Tennessee Knoxville. She has worked in mental health since 2013 and in foster care/adoptions for a private provider agency since 2014. Rachael was inspired to work in the field after working with children and teens on a volunteer basis 2008 – 2013. Rachael’s ideal self-care day involves snuggling on a couch with her kitties (Tabitha, Fergus, and Rufus) while enjoying a good movie or book. She also enjoys galavanting around conventions concerning all things nerd and geekery.


**Transfiguring Adoption is a nonprofit organization seeking to nurture growth in foster and adoptive families by giving a HOOT about their families. Transfiguring Adoption does not intend for its reviewers nor its review to be professional, medical or legal advice. These reviews and discussion guides are intended to help parents to better be able to connect and understand their children who come from traumatic backgrounds.

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