Discussion Guide:

1. Who is your favorite character? Why do you like this character so much?
   Caregiver Note: This is a question designed to help ease your child into discussing the more intensive subject. Sometimes children with trauma struggle to connect feelings to behavior so using a character in a movie will help illustrate the process of acknowledging emotions and how they correlate with behavior or vice versa. This also helps ease this conversation without suddenly talking about a deeper topic as this can be startling or difficult for a younger child.
2. Why does Wednesday leave the Addams to meet Dr. Strange?
   Caregiver Note: When Wednesday discovers she may not be an Addams she feels this may be why she feels so out of place with her family. Though the audience will likely identify many similarities between Wednesday and other Addams family members (especially Morticia) Wednesday seems to be experiencing emotions experienced by many budding teenagers. Wednesday wanting more independence, time alone, and feeling embarrassed by family antics are all very normal parts of the teenage experience but she doesn’t know that as a growing adolescent. She feels a pull to find out more about her potential identity though she truly does care for the Addams family and later states she regards them as her family regardless of DNA. Caregivers of adolescents may relate to Gomez who wants more connection than Wednesday is willing to give in moments of angst and self-reflection. Much like Wednesday, it is very normal for kids to want to know more about their background and heritage. Caregivers may see this as a threat to their own relationship with a child but in reality this can be a moment of growth as a child learns more about their cultural identities. Children will wonder and think about their biological families and it’s important for caregivers for space for that curiosity and self-discovery.
3. Why did Wednesday still say the Addams were her family even though at that time she thought they weren’t related?
   Caregiver Note: Even outside of the child welfare system family is a very multi-faceted term. It’s easy to think of family as those that are strictly related legally or by blood. But in reality families can be composed of all sorts of people. Godparents, close family friends that we call aunties and uncles, surrogate grandmas or grandpas that “adopt” the neighborhood kids, and all sorts of people can be considered family to children in your care. We often use the term “fictive kin” when referring to connections like this. Additionally a child from the child welfare system may have former foster parents they add to their support networks and have connections to. It may be easy for a caregiver to feel intimidated by how many people a child may have connection to but caregivers should remember that more supports for a child can be a huge strength to connect the child to their cultural or spiritual roots. Additionally, you may also now be considered a part of this child’s family now and are adding your support to this child now. Family does not have to be a term exclusive to who that child lives with and children with trauma need caregivers to hold space for talking about the various people that are important to them.
4. Who all do you consider to be your family? How are they all connected to you?
   Caregiver Note: Allow your child to lead this part of the conversation. Remember to be mindful of your reactions to the people they may discuss. They may talk about family members that perhaps were connected to past trauma and sometimes caregivers may feel understandably angry or upset feelings about those connections. However caregivers need to be respectful of their children and their connections to these relatives. They will likely still love relatives that caused harm and be still grieving these losses and it’s important to be respectful of the child’s space for grief and for their needs to talk about the people that are important to them in many ways. Remember, the feelings we may experience are not bad but the way we act upon them could cause more harm to our child when they need us to be the bigger, stronger, wiser adult.
5. When Wednesday was walking up to Dr. Strange’s house she identified her body was reacting in a way that indicated she felt anticipation and unease. What were those signs her body was giving?
   Caregiver Note: When the body is excited or nervous it can signal to us that through somatic symptoms. This can manifest in gastrointestinal signals (like butterflies in the tummy or a stomach ache), in headaches, flushed face, how our hands curl up or move, and all sorts of other ways. I’ve even seen children break out in hives when under great distress before! Our body sometimes has to signal what we are feeling when perhaps we are not exactly mindful of what our brain is experiencing much like what Wednesday experienced. With this in mind help your child come up with the body signals Wednesday noticed to indicate the combination of emotions she was experiencing.
6. What are some ways you can tell you feel excited from anticipating something great?
   Caregiver Note: Now that we have decoded Wednesday’s body cues this gives your child the chance to mindfully note how their body feels when it’s happy and excited. This is great practice for children in general but especially children with trauma. This is especially due to how children with trauma often have their brains on high alert most of the time due to dangers experienced in the past. This can cause children to struggle to differentiate good adrenaline rushes from a birthday party from that of deciding what to do when seeing a scary dog on the way to school. By helping your child be mindful of these clues you can later help walk them through reading their own body responses and be better able to control them. As Dr. Dan Siegel says you’ve got to “name it to tame it” when it comes to big feelings.
7. What are some ways you can tell you feel unease from something that feels scary or new?
   Caregiver Note: As with the previous question, give your child space to identify clues that they feel afraid or even angry. Feel free to help your child with body language you have observed in the past. Remember that this isn’t the time to cast blame or bring up conflict but strictly to use for identifying that body language so your child can apply coping mechanisms to situations as needed.
8. Why does Wednesday seem to spend so much time alone while Pugsly spends more time with the rest of the family?
   Caregiver Note: As mentioned in other areas of this review, Wednesday’s increased need for space to think and focus on her interests is a very normal part of adolescent behavior. I remember as a parent of a preteen feeling a lot like Gomez when my kiddo started wanting more time away. I missed the hugs and giggles and feeling needed so much! But, I had to learn as the parent to respect my child’s need for independence and learning to think more deeply in solitude. If we try to hold our developing children too closely like Gomez we can find our children push harder to assert these needs. While it’s tempting to keep our babies close to try to protect them caregivers need to remember that this time in development is a time of exploration that we function more as a safe haven through so that our kids have a blanket of security to fall back on as they explore new hobbies and relationships and need our support as they learn through mistakes and experiences.
9. Are there times where you feel like Wednesday and don’t have enough time on your own?
   Caregiver Note: This is a time where, like Gomez, we can learn to better listen to our children’s needs. This is hard, I’m not going to lie. But as the parent of a teenager moving towards adulthood I can vouch that while letting go is so hard, getting to know the wonderful person my teen is becoming has become an honor I never imagined. I love getting to see the world through my teen’s eyes in a way I never imagined. When children have been through trauma they may not have the vocabulary or cool-collection Wednesday brings to the discussion with Morticia and Gomez. For this reason sometimes caregivers for children with trauma will need to look to a child’s behavior for hints about perhaps what they need. And remember… quit taking it personal!!! Q-TIP! It’s easy for caregivers to take it personally when a child pulls back but most of the time it’s not because something has happened that we need to jump in and fix. Allow yourself to feel curiosity about what your child is thinking and engage with them without agenda or judgement.
10. When are some times you would like some space? How can we better communicate if you need my help or if you need time to think it out?
    Caregiver Note: Allow your child to lead this. This does not have to be a one-and-done discussion either. Revisit this throughout your child’s journey through development as they gain more language, coping skills, and insight on their own needs. This can be difficult especially when we want our child to avoid pain or mistakes. However, we need to remember that sometimes experience can be wonderful teachers and if we focus on connection with our kiddos they will feel more confident about using their voice to tell us when they need help from someone a little more experienced.

About the Reviewer: Rachael Rathe

Rachael B. Rathe is an East Tennessee native with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Psychology with a Minor in Child & Family Studies from The University of Tennessee Knoxville. She has worked in mental health since 2013 and in foster care/adoptions for a private provider agency since 2014. Rachael was inspired to work in the field after working with children and teens on a volunteer basis 2008 – 2013. Rachael’s ideal self-care day involves snuggling on a couch with her kitties (Tabitha, Fergus, and Rufus) while enjoying a good movie or book. She also enjoys galavanting around conventions concerning all things nerd and geekery.

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Transfiguring Adoption is a nonprofit organization seeking to nurture growth in foster and adoptive families by giving a HOOT about their families. Transfiguring Adoption does not intend for its reviewers nor its reviews nor this discussion packet to be professional, medical or legal advice. These reviews and discussion guides are intended to help parents to better be able to connect and understand their children who come from traumatic backgrounds.