Discussion Guide:
- Which brother do you think you’re more similar to? Why?
Caregiver Note: Ian is an introvert who worries about trying to make others like him and fitting in. He is anxious and scared of everything. Barley is outspoken and labeled as a ‘troublemaker’ by the townspeople. Both brothers are likely very relatable to our kids- being adopted or in foster care can often make kids feel like outsiders and they may struggle to fit in and to make friends. A lot of time they are also misunderstood by the general public and can be labeled as ‘out-of-control’ or ‘troublemakers’ the way that Barley is. Talking about these feelings and struggles in these two characters and the ways they deal with and overcome them during the course of the movie can be a way to help kids recognize and process these feelings in themselves. - 2. Early in the movie Ian and Barley’s mom tells them to stop spending so much energy holding on to the past and to focus on their future. What are the ways they and other characters are able to do this in the movie? How do they find a balance between the two?
Caregiver Note: When children have experienced trauma, it can make it so that they feel trapped in their past and unable to more forward because of what they have been through. It is an important step for them to be able to talk about and process what has happened to them so that they can begin to heal and to imagine a future for themselves. Ian and Barley are able to do this on their quest- they spend time talking to one another about their feelings of guilt and grief which helps them be able to process it. They also learn to help and rely on one another more and build up their relationship with each other which makes the loss of their father hurt a little less. They are able to find healthy ways to keep their memories of their father alive while still being able to move forward with their lives. - 3. Activity: Use what you’ve got!
Caregiver Note: Barley reminds Ian when they face difficulty that “on a quest you have to use what you’ve got!” and they find resourceful ways to solve problems. Pretend that you’re on a quest and have to make something out of only things you find around the house! For younger kids this may need to be more guided, such as laying out a selection of materials on the table (think paper towel tubes, egg cartons, newspaper, aluminum foil along with basic craft supplies such as glue/tape, markers, etc.) Then give kids a challenge such as building a bridge that can hold a certain number of pennies or a tower that is as tall as possible but can stand on its own. This can be a fun way to bond while also working on skills such as teamwork, creativity and resourcefulness. - 4. Barley is called a ‘screw-up’ throughout the movie by various adults because he’s ‘always getting into trouble’. How does this label affect the way Barley behaves and the choices he makes? Later, during a spell that requires honesty we see Barley find out that his little brother thinks this way about him too. How does Barley react to finding out his brother feels this way about him?
Caregiver Note: Because of their past trauma, foster and adoptive kids often have behavioral issues that may result in them acting out. Because of this they are often labeled as ‘trouble-makers’ and ‘screw-ups’. Teens in the foster care system especially feel this way. We see Barley ignore the adults who say this about him and continue on with the behaviors, perhaps even more so because of their labels. It appears as if he doesn’t really care that they think of him in this way. However, later we see his hurt reaction upon finding out that Ian thinks of him as a screw-up to. This hurts more because Ian is someone who’s opinion he values, and it may feel like a betrayal. This can also be a lead in to talking to youth about if they feel like this label has ever been applied to them and how that makes them feel, and if it affects the choices they make. - 5. Barley then tells Ian “it’s not fair for you to call me a screw up if you don’t even give me a chance to do things right.” How does Ian react, and does he change his behavior towards his brother after this? Have you ever felt like people jump to conclusions about you without getting to know you first?
Caregiver Note: Here, Barley makes the point that because he’s been labeled a ‘troublemaker’ due to past choices or mistakes, no one even gives him a chance anymore and so he feels like he can’t change or fix anything because no one lets him try. Children who have been likewise affected by similar labels likely relate to these feelings. They may have given up on trying to be ‘good’ because they feel pre-judged based on their past choices and behavior. They can feel like the world is out to get them and that even when they haven’t done anything wrong, they are the first suspect when anything bad happens. This can be an opportunity to talk about fresh starts and giving them the benefit of the doubt and as you are able to allow them a safe space and opportunity to make different choices without fear of being misjudged. - 6. The first time Ian tries to make the invisible bridge, he fails and falls off the cliff and is saved by the rope he had Barley use as a safety net. Barley tells him, “Now you know the worst that can happen so there’s nothing to be afraid of.” What does he mean by this? How does it help Ian be able to complete his task?
Caregiver Note: Many children who have experienced trauma have severe anxiety. They are often afraid to try new things because experience has taught them that bad things happen to them. The biggest cause of anxiety is fear of the unknown. This can lead to catastrophic thinking about all the unpleasant possibilities that might occur. One way to overcome this is to take a specific situation and think about the worst possible outcome. Then talk through what they would do if that happened and help them make a plan. If needed, you can take it one step further and talk through all the possible outcomes and the likeliness of each. Once you have a plan for dealing with the worst possible scenario it can take some of that fear away because there is no longer an element of surprise- not only do they know what could happen, but they have a plan for how they will deal with if it does. Talking about this scene is a great way to illustrate this concept and may spark discussion of your child’s own fears. - 7. In order to use magic, Ian has to believe in himself, which he struggles with at first. However, he is able to succeed with the encouragement of his brother. Have you ever had something you found difficult but were able to accomplish because someone else believed in you? How can I best demonstrate that I believe in you when you’re trying something new or difficult?
Caregiver Note: Often times, foster and adoptive youth aren’t used to having adults or caregivers on their side, which can make them feel very alone. Because of this their self-esteem can often suffer. If they grew up in an abusive or neglectful home, they may not have gotten the positive feedback growing up that helps this trait develop. Some children may not be able to give an example of having someone believe in them, but it can be helpful to talk to them about how you believe in their abilities and to have them think about what form of encouragement would be most helpful to them. For some, verbal encouragement and praise while attempting a task might be the most helpful, whereas for others they might prefer more hands on assistance, or even for you to keep your distance in order to demonstrate that you trust them to figure it out and will be there when they are ready. Talking about the different ways that Barley supports Ian in learning magic may help them to think about what that would look like in their life. - 8. Several times in the movie we see characters embrace their true nature- such as Corey the Manticore becoming a warrior again, Colt Bronco deciding to run rather than drive like the centaurs of the past, and Ian accepting his magical abilities. Do you think it was important for these characters to accept their ‘inner selves’? In what ways do you feel like you embrace or hide your inner self?
Caregiver Note: When children have experienced abuse and neglect or other trauma, they tend to feel like they did something wrong or that there is something wrong with them that caused this to happen to them. Because of this, they may withdraw or try to change aspects of their behavior or personality to try and make things better. There is also a lot of shame associated with having been through foster care or adoption and feelings of ‘not being wanted’ by their biological family. This may make them more likely to pretend to be someone they’re not or hide aspects of themselves out of fear of being rejected again. This can be a way to talk to them about accepting who they are and that you’ll love them regardless of what their ‘inner self’ might be like. In the movie it is seen as a good thing and frequently referred to as characters embracing their inner warrior. Children who have been through trauma are extremely resilient and they all have a fierce warrior inside of them, just like characters such as Mom and Corey. And maybe this warrior comes with behaviors or traits that others might not understand, but it’s a part of who they are that got them through everything to where they are today and for that it is worth embracing. - 9. Throughout the movie Barley says that he has three memories of his father. However, at the end he admits that he actually has 4 memories. Why do you think he kept the fourth one a secret? How does it affect him and his choices?
Caregiver Note: Up until this point Barley only shared his happy memories of his father with his family. The ‘fourth’ memory he admits to having is one that fills him with regret. When his father was sick in the hospital, he was afraid and did not go say goodbye to him when he had the chance. He harbors guilt over this and said the experience made him vow to ‘never be afraid again’ which is why he often projects over-confidence and bravado that tend to get him into trouble. Talking about this experience of Barley’s may help children open up about memories or things they feel guilty or regretful about and the ways in which those feelings connect to their behavior. - 10. Ian has waited the entire movie to see his dad and when finally has the chance, he gives it up to allow his brother the opportunity. Why do you think he makes that decision?
Caregiver Note: Ian spends the entire movie surviving all manner of danger for the chance to talk to his father, even just for a few minutes. And then when he has the chance, he chooses not to which can feel like a let-down when viewing the movie- to see the protagonist work so hard for something and then not get it. But it’s important to note that this is Ian’s choice and that the reason he makes it is because he has processed his grief already at this point and made peace with the loss of his father. He no longer needs the closure of speaking with him. A big part of this for him is the fact that he realized he has other parental figures in his life (in this case, his brother) who are able to be what he wanted and needed from his father. He also wants to give his brother the opportunity for closure that he needs- because Barley didn’t say goodbye to his dad when he had the chance as a child and has so much guilt over it, he needs this moment in order to process his grief. One form of closure isn’t better than the other, but the important thing to note and talk about is that both brothers are able to come to terms with things in their own way.
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About the Author: Jenn Ehlers
Jenn is a central Virginia native who received her BA in Psychology from the University of Virginia in 2012. Since then she has worked for a local mental health agency and the Department of Social Services in various capacities and has been involved in her community’s efforts to create a Trauma Informed Network. Currently Jenn works in vocational rehab and mentors youth in foster care. When she isn’t working, Jenn enjoys writing stories, anything and everything Harry Potter, and spending time with her niece and nephew.
**Transfiguring Adoption is a nonprofit organization seeking to nurture growth in foster and adoptive families by giving a HOOT about their families. Transfiguring Adoption does not intend for its reviewers nor its review to be professional, medical or legal advice. These reviews and discussion guides are intended to help parents to better be able to connect and understand their children who come from traumatic backgrounds.
