Hair Love – Comprehensive Review

I’ve heard tons of people across my social media rave about this short film on YouTube, but I never had the time to watch it. When it won an Oscar I knew I had to check it out. The short is wonderfully done and beautifully describes the work and love that goes into a dad learning how to do his daughter’s hair. I was talking to my friend Christina, who works in social services in Illinois, and she shared that when she was younger it was a learning curve for her dad to style her natural hair after her parents divorced. She went on to say “If there was a gap in our own communication, it’s an even bigger gap in cross-cultural adoptions”, which I think perfectly sums this short up. Overall this short is definitely one to watch as a family or even alone to help families understand how to navigate cultural differences, not just with hair but also in everyday lives.

** Spoilers Could Be Ahead **

How Is This Relevant To Adoption & Foster Care?

Many times our children come from racial and cultural backgrounds that are different than our own. What works for one person’s hair may not work on the next and taking the time to understand how to properly care for their unique hair is a show of love. Many people, especially girls, identify themselves with their hair. Taking the time to learn how to style their hair signals that you are taking the time to love them.

But this short isn’t just about hair. It’s about stepping outside of our comfort zone to help others feel comfortable with who they are. As caregivers, we have to recognize that many of our children arrive at our home with the belief that people don’t care about them. Meeting our children where they are at in terms of hair care, food, religious/spiritual/cultural beliefs, etc. is an extension of showing that we love and care about them just as they are.

There is a quote in the film that says “The road ahead might look rough but you can make the journey with a little bit of work and a whole lot of love”. Fostering and adopting is hard, and the road might look rough. At the end of the journey with a little bit of work and a whole lot of love, it’s totally worth it.

Discussion Points:

• Comparing yourself to others
  The girl in the film compares herself with people on social media, which is an issue that many of our children have. Talking with your children to help them recognize that we are all different and wonderful in our own way can help with their self esteem now and in the future.
• Not giving up
  The dad in the film almost gave up when he wasn’t able to do his daughter’s hair at first. However, he did not give up and was able to succeed in the end, making his daughter happy. Sometimes we fail a few times before succeeding, but if we give up without ever trying then we are never able to enjoy the feeling of success.
• Being beautiful just the way you are
  The mom at the end appears to be self conscious about the fact that she doesn’t have hair anymore. When her daughter gives her a hand drawn portrait showcasing her as a queen with no hair, the mom recognizes that with or without hair she is still beautiful. Our children come with all sorts of scars, some internal and others external. Our children should know that despite their differences, they are always beautiful even if they do not feel like they are.

Cautionary Points:

• Single parenting
  The film shows the little girl and her father trying to navigate living together without mom. Mom is shown recovering from cancer so dad has to step up and take over things he usually didn’t, and perhaps culturally wasn’t responsible for either. While this parent set was still intact, some children may be pained by the reminder of being separated from a loved one or parent like the little girl is from her mother (temporarily).
• Hospital
  The father and his daughter go on an outing and it turns out that they are going to a hospital. Many of our children have medical trauma or have seen a loved one sick or dying in the hospital, so this may trigger some distressing memories.
• Cancer
  The little girl is so excited to see her mother at the hospital. The mother is happy to see her too, but when she pulls off the scarf on her head, is shows that she has no hair. It is implied that the mother has cancer. If any of your children have seen a loved one struggle with this disease and the side effects of hair loss from chemo, then it may be troubling for them.