Discussion Guide:
- Why did Dora follow the museum worker to the restricted section of the museum? Did the museum worker have any qualities that may have made it harder for Dora to determine if she was a trustworthy adult?
Caregiver Note: Children in care often struggle with deciphering who is a trustworthy adult due to poor experiences during development as well as being tricked by an appearance of authority. The museum worker wore a badge and uniform, indicating that she worked for the museum and would know about where items in the museum would be located. - Why did Dora trust Alejandro after never having met him before her kidnapping? What was his “proof” of identity?
Caregiver Note: Children in care may or may not have been taught the concept of stranger danger. This can be due to developmental delays, struggles with healthy and secure attachment, and never being given the tools to determine which adults are safe and trustworthy. While many caregivers and children from biological families may have been taught concepts such as having a “code word” for identifying emergency contacts, children in care often do not know of this and will have to have this re-established regularly. - How could Dora and her caregivers come up with ways to indicate an adult is a safe emergency contact?
Caregiver Note: In this exercise a caregiver may need to prompt the child and help them come up with ideas as to how to identify a safe emergency contact. Include coming up with a “code word” or phrase that is a secret outside of the child, parent, and emergency contact parties. Also discuss strategies like asking the teacher before going off alone with a museum worker, asking hard questions to very someone’s identity, and not giving identifying information to strangers. - What sorts of things could have told Dora that Alejandro and the museum worker were not trustworthy?Caregiver Note: This can be a time to help teach some safety skills. If your child struggles, point out to the child that the adults got Dora alone and away from other adults, did not seem to understand important information Dora and her parents knew readily, and how Alejandro did not appear to be able to protect the children in times of danger.
- If you ever find you are approached by an adult who insists your caregiver is in trouble and you need to come with them, how should you respond?
Caregiver Note: Explain to your child unless the adult is one of the emergency contacts you are about to identify in #6 that they should immediately get away from such an adult and get to a safe adult such as a teacher, police officer, coach, etc. Also explain that if an adult tries to touch or grab at them that they are to scream “FIRE!” and make as much noise to alert others that they need help fast! Even if a child knows an adult is not a “safe adult” they may comply with what the adult says due to fear and panic. - ACTIVITY: Explorer Code Name
Caregiver Note: Sit down with your child and come up with an explorer code name to give to any adult who may pick up a child in the event of an emergency where you, the caregiver, are unable to be reached for verification. Have your child practice responding to an adult who uses the code name and one who does not know the code name. After this, write down a list of 5 adults that the child will know have the code name and allow them to put this in a safe, but accessible place such as a backpack. Also explain to your child that when they are in places such as school there will also be a list of adults with “explorer code names” that schools will reference before ever calling your child to the office. Make sure if you have any caseworkers in the home that they are aware of these practices so they can reinforce this and also alert other staff (i.e. – transportation staff, other professionals, etc.) in the event another professional must see or transport the child for them. - Dora appears at times to struggle with trusting adults in her life who have shown that they are trustworthy, such as her parents and extended family. How can Dora and her family work together to build a stronger trust? What can the adults do to allow Dora to be a happy, healthy kid?Caregiver Note: This is important for a caregiver to tune in, as this is how a caregiver can see security and attachment through their child’s eyes and help identify underlying needs children have while in care and may be communicating purely through behavior. Common responses may include listening to Dora, allowing her to pursue her interests, making safe choices, not moving her away, spending time with her, etc. If your child needs help do feel free to prompt them, but try to let them lead this conversation. Make sure you engage in active listening skills and model this for your child by summarizing what they say back to them and making sure you understand what they are saying. Remember, some children may have different vocabulary from your own and you may need to verify you are using the same language as well.
- Dora at times appears to struggle with how she communicates with others in the city. What are some ways Dora struggled in building appropriate relationships with others?Caregiver Note: Dora’s struggles should include overaggressive hugs, being overly friendly to strangers, talking over others, going off alone with adults she did not know, leading her classmates into danger, and other actions relating to boundaries. Take this an opportunity to discuss concerning boundaries but how Dora could have better respected boundaries of strangers and peers. For example, Dora was trying to be friendly with others in the airport but should have made it a priority to find her family and take their lead in a new place.
- If you were a classmate of Dora’s, how could you be a friend to her even though she’s a little different? How are some ways you could make her feel welcome?Caregiver Note: Children sometimes struggle with “different” and may engage in picking on others rather than trying to find how someone’s uniqueness is valuable. Some possible examples could include patiently explaining to her how the school works, helping her access resources, inviting her to sit with them at lunch, using active listening to understand Dora’s point of view, and not approaching her with a threatening attitude. Discuss strategies as well if your child identified behavior observed from Diego and Sammy in bullying Dora, such as going to a teacher or telling the bully to stop.
ACTIVITY: Parapata Excursion
Caregiver Note: For this activity, have your child create a map and packing list for their “Backpack” to find their own “Parapata”. This can be a literal treasure or a destination they very much want to go to. Also have them include who they want to attend this adventure and draw a “Explorer Team Photo” and “Explorer Passport” to go with their map. Talk with your child about how you would get to “Parapata” across various boundaries on the map. If you are able, then go find “Parapata” at your local park or nature trail for some fun, imaginative family time!
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About the Author: Rachael Rathe
Rachael B. Rathe is an East Tennessee native with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Psychology with a Minor in Child & Family Studies from The University of Tennessee Knoxville. She has worked in mental health since 2013 and in foster care/adoptions for a private provider agency since 2014. Rachael was inspired to work in the field after working with children and teens on a volunteer basis 2008 – 2013. Rachael’s ideal self-care day involves snuggling on a couch with her kitties (Tabitha, Fergus, and Rufus) while enjoying a good movie or book. She also enjoys galavanting around conventions concerning all things nerd and geekery.
**Transfiguring Adoption is a nonprofit organization seeking to nurture growth in foster and adoptive families by giving a HOOT about their families. Transfiguring Adoption does not intend for its reviewers nor its review to be professional, medical or legal advice. These reviews and discussion guides are intended to help parents to better be able to connect and understand their children who come from traumatic backgrounds.
