Stargirl – Guide

Transfiguring Adoption’s Overview:

Stargirl is a new Disney Plus original release based on the bestselling YA novel by Jerry Spinelli. It tells the story of Leo and the new kid at school- Stargirl and how their friendship ignited a spark of magic and woke up a sleepy Midwestern town. Leo is quiet and studious and prefers blending into the background. Stargirl is loud, in-your-face and unapologetically herself. Through their relationship, Stargirl shows Leo that it’s okay to be yourself, even if sometimes this means people don’t like you.

This movie would be most suitable for tweens and teens as it centers around a group of high school friends. The movie does depict a romantic relationship between the two main characters, but it is very PG rated and at most we see the characters hold hands or share a chaste kiss. The movie is a nice departure from the loud and busy action movies that seem prevalent today and is reminiscent of 80s school classics such as The Breakfast Club (and even has an 80s soundtrack to go along with it!).


** Spoilers Could Be Ahead **


How Is This Relevant To Adoption & Foster Care?

Stargirl does not directly address foster care or adoption. However, the main character is struggling with coming to terms with the loss of his father and how that has shaped his life. The movie also addresses several themes that are likely relatable to youth in care. Both of the two main characters experience being the new kid at school and the plot focuses on the different ways this affects each of them. Children who are in care have often had to start at a new school at least once, sometimes much more frequently than that.

The movie also revolves around the them of identity and figuring out who you are and finding your place in the world. While this is a central issue that all teens struggle with, it is even more relevant to youth who have been through foster care or adoption. They may have a harder time than the average teen fitting in and making friends due to both moving around frequently and sometimes stigma about their background. Because they are not living with their biological parents, they often have questions about who they are and where they come from and how that fits in with their personality.


Discussion Points:

  • Loss of a Parent
    We learn that Leo’s father died when he was very young and this loss has had a huge impact on his life- everything from him having to move to a new town where he doesn’t know anyone to the way he interacts with peers at school. Children who have experienced foster care or adoption can related to this as their lives have also been defined by the loss of parents, whether due to removal or death. This can be an opportunity to discuss the ways in which Leo deals with the loss of his father throughout the movie. We see Leo clinging to reminders of his father such as his Hedgehog tie and his favorite record but we also see him talking to his mom and Stargirl about his feelings around this loss which can set and example for showing that it can be healthy to discuss loss and grief with those we who care about us.
  • Starting a New School
    Both Leo and Stargirl start at a new school during the movie and have drastically different experiences and ways of dealing with this. When Leo’s dad dies, he and his mom move to a new small town and he has to start a new school. He’s always worn his dad’s favorite hedgehog tie and the bullies at the new school destroy it. In response he decides to ‘disappear’ saying “If I wanted to survive it was better to lay low…be just like everybody else”. He decides that if he blends in more and stands out less then the other kids will have less reason to tease him. Years later, we see Stargirl starting high school for the first time, as she has been homeschooled until now. She is unapologetically unique, everything from the way she dresses, to her name, to the things she does (like serenade everyone in the cafeteria) stands out. However, we don’t see her get bullied, we see the other students eager to get to know her and everyone wants to be her friend because she’s the ‘shiny new toy’. This can be an opportunity to compare and contrast their different experiences and strategies and talk about your child’s own experiences starting new schools. Were they welcomed or bullied? How did they react to that reception?
  • Survival Behaviors/Adaptability
    When Leo is bullied at school he decides to try to blend in more, to essentially be invisible so that no one notices him- for good or bad. At the time, this is an adaptive strategy- it allows him to get through many years of school and avoid further bullying. However, once Stargirl shows up she shows that it’s important to embrace the things that make us different or unique and this is the overarching message of the movie. However, that doesn’t mean that Leo was wrong with his strategy. At the time, it was what felt like what he needed to do to survive but it got to a point where it was no longer working and so he had to adapt. This is a great tie-in to a discussion about your child’s own survival behaviors. When we experience trauma, we often have to engage in survival behaviors like Leo in order to get through that traumatic experience. However, once that trauma is over these behaviors may no longer be healthy or useful in a new environment and the youth needs to learn to adapt to their new situation. That doesn’t mean that they did anything wrong at the time- whether it was fighting back, shutting down, or something else. A good analogy is a rabbit living in the forest. Most of its predators rely on movement in order to see their prey. So, the rabbit’s primary survival strategy to freeze and hold really still so the fox, hawk, etc. can’t see them. This is the best way for them to protect themselves. However, now take that rabbit and put it in a city on a highway. The rabbit sees a big scary monster (car) coming towards it. It uses the strategy it knows to survive- it freezes so the monster won’t see it. However, it’s in a new environment and here, standing still means that the car will hit it. If the rabbit wants to survive in its new environment it will need to learn a new strategy, such as running away, instead. This analogy may help children recognize their own survival behaviors and the need for adapting to their new environment (their foster/adoptive home).
  • Self-Identity/Individuality
    A central theme of this movie is centered around being yourself and embracing your differences and figuring out who you are. Stargirl doesn’t try to blend in and be like everyone else the way Leo does- she is unapologetically herself. Everything from the way she dresses, to her name, to the choices she makes. And for the most part, we see her peers accept this and like her even more for being different. There does come a point where Stargirl makes a mistake and school turns on her. In an effort to try and make her fit in, Leo suggests she acts more ‘normal’ and in response Stargirl shows up to school as Susan, wearing more ‘normal’ clothes and even changes the topic of her speech to something mainstream. However, she realizes at the speech competition that this isn’t her and she can’t pretend to be someone she’s not. So, she goes back to being Stargirl and even gets Leo to embrace some of his own individuality such as wearing his ‘weird’ ties again and singing on stage at the Winter Dance. Watching this movie can be a great way to breach the topic with kids and teens about the things that make them unique and the importance of embracing those qualities rather than trying to hide them.

Cautionary Points:

  • Loss of a Parent
    When the movie opens, we find out that Leo’s father died when he was very young. The actual death is not shown on screen; however, we see a young Leo and his mom preparing for the funeral and dealing with the effects of this loss and it is a central theme of the movie. This may be difficult for children who have experienced a similar loss. Stargirl is also raised by a single mother. The movie does not address what happened to her father, but he is absent, and she explains that she never knew him. Children who have been through foster care and adoption have all experienced the loss or absence of a parent in some way so depending on where they are at on the path of processing their trauma these themes may be too much for them.
  • Bullying
    Towards the beginning of the movie we see a very young Leo being bullied by other kids at school. We see them teasing him about his ‘weird’ outfit, and then we see Leo on the ground after they presumably pushed him, though we don’t see the actual physical violence portrayed on screen. Later in the film, after Stargirl helps a member of the opposing football team, she is collectively shunned by the rest of the school who blame her for the team’s loss. Foster and Adoptive kids are more likely to be bullied by peers due to being different and the behavioral issues that can come along with trauma. Because of this, some children may be more sensitive to seeing these various forms of bullying portrayed on screen.
  • Medical Emergency
    During a football game, one of the players gets injured and falls down and doesn’t get back up. He is taken away in an ambulance. While this is a very short scene and it turns out that he is fine, it may be upsetting to children who have experienced a medical emergency and ridden in an ambulance or watched a parent or loved one get hurt or sick and be taken away by ambulance. There is also a mention of another character’s little brother who got into a bike accident and was permanently disabled. This isn’t depicted on screen so may be less of a trigger but could still be upsetting for a child to hear about it if they have had a loved one experience such an accident or they themselves have.
  • Leaving without Saying Goodbye
    At the end of the movie, Stargirl just disappears. She stops coming to school and when Leo goes to her house there is no evidence that anyone lives there, and it’s understood that she and her mom moved away. However, Stargirl did not tell anyone, even her boyfriend Leo, goodbye. Her departure is so sudden that it even causes the other characters to question whether she ever even existed at all. Children in foster care tend to move around a lot due and sometimes this comes with no warning as they are removed from their biological home or even because of a foster placement disruption. They often don’t get to say goodbye to their friends or family, so it may be upsetting to them to see this happen with Stargirl.

Discussion Guide:

  1. After Leo’s dad dies, he has to start at a new school. The kids there make fun of him and destroy his favorite tie. How do you think this made him feel? Have you ever felt like that when starting at a new school?
    CAREGIVER NOTE: Children who have been through foster care often have experienced at least one (often more) placement disruptions and this often comes with changing schools sometimes in the middle of the year. They likely can relate to the way Leo feels and this is an opportunity to discuss bullying- what to do if they’re ever a victim of it or if they see it happening to someone else. This can also be an opportunity to discuss how to be welcoming to new classmates, so they don’t feel like Leo. This bullying has an even deeper impact on Leo because of the importance of his dad’s tie which they destroyed which changed the way Leo grieved/dealt with his father’s death going forward.
  2. In response to the bullying, Leo decides to make himself invisible and says “If I wanted to survive, it was better to lay low. I was gonna have to be just like everyone else…no one would see me. No one would hear me. I was gonna disappear.” Why do you think he made this choice? Do you think it was the right choice? Have you ever felt this way?
    CAREGIVER NOTE: It’s important to note that this was a survival behavior at the time. While ultimately the movie sends the message of the importance of embracing individuality and not blending in, this strategy worked for Leo for a long time and allowed him to make friends and focus on his schoolwork without being bullied. In the end we see him find a balance between the two- not everyone can be loud in their individuality the way Stargirl is, but it’s also important not to focus so much on blending in that you lose the best parts of yourself. Children from a background of trauma often engage in survival behaviors as well. Whether that was fighting back or shutting down- it’s what worked for them in their trauma environment and enabled them to get through the hard things. Now, however, these behaviors may no longer be adaptive. For example, against an abuser might have kept them from doing something worse. But when using that same strategy at school it only gets them into more trouble. A good analogy to help kids understand this is a rabbit living in the forest. Most of its predators rely on movement in order to see their prey. So, the rabbit’s primary survival strategy to freeze and hold really still so the fox, hawk, etc. can’t see them. This is the best way for them to protect themselves. However, now take that rabbit and put it in a city on a highway. The rabbit sees a big scary monster (car) coming towards it. It uses the strategy it knows to survive- it freezes so the monster won’t see it. However, it’s in a new environment and here, standing still means that the car will hit it. If the rabbit wants to survive in its new environment it will need to learn a new strategy, such as running away, instead. This analogy may help children recognize their own survival behaviors and the need for adapting to their new environment (their foster/adoptive home).
  1. ACTIVITY: Mindfulness/Becoming Nothing
    CAREGIVER NOTE: Stargirl takes Leo out to the desert and she asks him if he’s ever ‘done nothing- like really nothing.’ She goes on to describe something she likes to do where she imagines an eraser slowly erasing her body parts one by one until she’s nothing. She says, “I become a part of nothingness. I am nothing, so I am everything. I’m a stone. I am rain.” Mindfulness can be a great skill to teach children who have experienced trauma. Having exercises they can do when they are having a flashback, panic attack, or just feeling like their emotions are out of control can be very helpful. One way to do this is to focus on one body part at a time and tighten and then relax it. Start with the toes, then the legs, then the abdomen, arms, hands, shoulders, face, etc. Until you’ve gone through the entire body. Another exercise is the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique. For this one you go through each of the senses identifying what’s going on around you to bring you back to the present moment. First you look around and name 5 things you can see, then 4 things you can feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you can taste. If neither of these are appealing, there are a number of other mindfulness activities out there, or they can even try Stargirl’s eraser method. The important thing is to find what works best for them- everyone is different and not all of these exercises work for everyone. Have them practice these skills while they’re in a calm and safe place so that they are prepared for what they feel like and how to do them and can remember when they are in a more stressful situation.
  2. Music is a central part of the movie and Leo and Stargirl share their favorite songs with each other as a way to connect. Leo says at one point, “It’s cool that a song can be about whatever you want it to be about. It doesn’t matter what the words say.” Do you have a favorite song? Why do you like it/what does it mean to you? Does it remind you of a person or experience?
    CAREGIVER NOTE: Music is an important part of teen/tween life and at they can often spend hours just listening to their favorite songs. Music is a way to give voice to emotions and thoughts they might have without having to know how to explain them. Having them share a favorite song can create a bonding moment in and of itself because teens love to talk about the things that interest them. However, take it one step further and talk about why they like that song- is it the melody? The lyrics? Does it remind them of a specific memory, good or bad? Does it remind them of an important person, like how Leo loves his dad’s favorite song? If they are reluctant to share, maybe start by sharing a special or favorite song of yours and what it means to you to get the conversation started.
  3. During one of the school football games, a player on the opposing team gets hurt. Stargirl runs onto the field and stays with this person, even riding in the ambulance with him. The kids at school all get mad at her for helping ‘the enemy’. Why do you think she did this? Do you think she did the right thing?
    CAREGIVER NOTE: Stargirl explains her actions saying “He got hurt and everyone was cheering, and no one went to him. Everyone was just standing and watching, and it felt wrong.” This can be an opportunity to talk with youth about empathy. When others are in pain it’s important to offer support and help if you can, even if that person is different from you. Talk about how if they got hurt and were all alone how it would feel vs. if someone were there telling you it would be okay and holding your hand- even if it was someone who wasn’t your friend. For many children who have experienced trauma they often had to suffer through things on their own without anyone to help them. Because of this they may have a harder time developing empathy- no one was there for them so it might be hard for them to know how to be there for others. Talking through scenarios like the one depicted in this scene might help them to understand the ways to show empathy to others.
  4. After the incident at the football game, everyone at school turns on Stargirl. Even Leo tells her, “Maybe you don’t have to do all the things that you do. Why can’t you just be more like everybody else?” How does Stargirl react to this? Do you think Leo was right or wrong in saying this?
    CAREGIVER NOTE: Stargirl is initially upset when Leo says this to her, it hurts her feelings. Then the next day she shows up to school saying her name is ‘Susan’ and wearing an outfit that is like what all the other kids wear. Eventually she realizes Leo (and she) were wrong and she says, “I can’t just be someone else”. Leo’s heart was in the right place when he said this, he wanted Stargirl to be liked and popular again and he was sharing the strategy that had worked for him for a long time- blending in. But ultimately this isn’t the answer and Stargirl shows him that it’s more important to be who you are and not pretend to be someone else. Talk to youth about their own differences and how they can try to embrace these differences rather than being ashamed of them.
  5. In her speech Stargirl says, “I don’t know why I do a lot of things lately.” Have you ever felt like this? She also says,” …we don’t think we just do. We don’t take a step back and process.” What are sometimes you think maybe you acted before thinking? What are some ways I can help you remember to slow down and process?
    CAREGIVER NOTE: Often when children have experienced trauma, they have trouble with impulsivity. When in high stress situations our bodies are designed to go into ‘fight or flight’ mode and to make split-second choices for how to best survive the threat. In these situations, stopping to think could be extremely detrimental. The problem is, when children are exposed to repeated trauma their stress response system is on so often that it becomes the body’s default. So even when there is not a threat, the body is so used to responding this way that it automatically kicks in with these split-second or ‘impulsive’ reactions. Therefore, it’s important to talk to kids about this and help them learn to recognize when they feel themselves getting out of control and how to count to 5, take a deep breath, and take that ‘pause’ before reacting. Because their body is so used to the other way of responding this is a skill that has to be relearned and will take practice. But having a conversation and talking through what you and they have noticed about this behavior can help them learn to recognize it in the future.
  6. ACTIVITY: Flower Planting
    CAREGIVER NOTE: In Stargirl’s speech competition she also speaks about how the world moves fast and it can be easy to get caught up in it but that it’s important to take a step back and breathe and slow down. She talks about flowers growing and says, “real things take time…part of what makes it beautiful is that it took so long to grow.” Take this opportunity to plant a flower, or even a whole garden if able. This in and of itself can be a great bonding activity and learning to care for something else can be a great grounding strategy for youth to learn. Gardening also teaches patience and can be a great sensory break as you’re out in the dirt and using your hands. As you watch things grow together it can also be an opportunity to talk about how sometimes when learning a new skill, it’s compared to ‘planting a seed’. And maybe it doesn’t show a difference right away but with nurturing and patience it eventually blooms into a beautiful plant. This analogy can be useful for other skills youth are learning- such as mindfulness or pausing before acting. These behavioral changes aren’t going to start working overnight, but the more they practice and ‘nurture’ them, eventually they will grow roots and become second nature.
  7. After winning the speech competition, Stargirl says, “People aren’t happy because they win. They win because they’re happy.” What do you think this means? Do you agree?
    CAREGIVER NOTE: This can be a hard concept for youth to understand. Winning a game or competition makes us feel good, but this is often short lived. And it’s not the most important part of the game or competition. The more important part is the experience of playing the game- the teamwork, friendship having a good attitude, etc. Talk about the importance of these skills and that sometimes the journey is more important than the destination. Wanting to win isn’t inherently bad, but it can cause problems if you value winning above relationships and morals. Talk to youth about what is important to them in their lives and what kinds of things make them happy, and the value of feelings and relationships over trophies and material things.
  8. When Leo talks about how he misses his dad he says, “I don’t ever want to stop missing him.” What do you think he means? How has the way he deals with his father’s death changed from the beginning to the end of the movie?
    CAREGIVER NOTE: Sometimes when a person has experienced a traumatic loss, such as that of a parent, it can initially feel easier to not think about them, to try and forget them. This can especially be a struggle for children who are in a foster or adoptive home. They may feel like in accepting a foster or adoptive parent they have to forget their birth parents. Or vice versa- they might feel like they cannot have a relationship with an adoptive or foster parent without betraying their birth parents. Use this as an opportunity to discuss the way Leo has processed his loss and the ways he keeps his father’s memory alive (the hedgehog ties, his dad’s favorite record) and how he’s able to move on without being weighed down by his grief but is able to keep a part of his dad with him. This can transition into a discussion of how the youth is dealing with their own loss- that it’s okay to miss someone and the healthy ways to do this but also move forward. And also, that just because you don’t think about someone every day doesn’t mean you love them any less.

About the Author: Jenn Ehlers

Jenn is a central Virginia native who received her BA in Psychology from the University of Virginia in 2012. Since then she has worked for a local mental health agency and the Department of Social Services in various capacities and has been involved in her community’s efforts to create a Trauma Informed Network. Currently Jenn works in vocational rehab and mentors youth in foster care. When she isn’t working, Jenn enjoys writing stories, anything and everything Harry Potter, and spending time with her niece and nephew.


**Transfiguring Adoption is a nonprofit organization seeking to nurture growth in foster and adoptive families by giving a HOOT about their families. Transfiguring Adoption does not intend for its reviewers nor its review to be professional, medical or legal advice. These reviews and discussion guides are intended to help parents to better be able to connect and understand their children who come from traumatic backgrounds.

Written by
Jenn is a central Virginia native who received her BA in Psychology from the University of Virginia in 2012. Since then she has worked for a local mental health agency and the Department of Social Services in various capacities and has been involved in her community’s efforts to create a Trauma Informed Network. Currently Jenn works in vocational rehab and mentors youth in foster care. When she isn’t working, Jenn enjoys writing stories, visiting the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, and spending time with her nieces and nephew.

What do you think?

0 0

Lost Password

Please enter your username or email address. You will receive a link to create a new password via email.